Since we got married, my spouse hasn't been contributing their salary to our joint budget, they always say 'we'll manage it' but gets upset when I ask about it. I think we should be equal in our financial responsibilities, but will starting a discussion about this tire us out? Is this a sign of a toxic relationship or am I overthinking it?
Look, you're making a mistake here too. If the guy is clearly saying 'we'll handle it,' why do you keep pushing? It seems there's a situation he doesn't want to talk about. Instead of insisting, maybe you should calm down; he might be going through other things internally.
Honestly, I never found this to be right. A salary is now a shared asset of the family, so brushing it off with "we'll manage" is not an option. You have the right to know because marriage is a partnership. Society sees it this way, too; otherwise, what’s the point of a relationship?
Such situations usually stem from issues related to power balance through financial control. If your partner is becoming increasingly aggressive and not giving clear answers, there might be a violation of financial transparency. I think you should consider going to couples therapy, as these kinds of things can build up into bigger problems.
Let me add that after we got married, this issue wasn't a problem at all in the first year. Recently, as our financial situation tightened a bit, the matter actually escalated. I used to never pay much attention to it, but now that our needs have increased, it has come up more often.
Well, let me ask you this: Is your spouse really obligated to share their salary details with you? Don’t people in a marriage have their own personal space? Maybe they’re spending money on other things that don’t concern you. I think the attitude of wanting to know everything is a bit too controlling.
