I got married just a few months ago, but my family and relatives have already started asking, 'When are you going to have kids?' It's not a joke; they're seriously planning! I’m trying to explain that we need to focus on our own lives, but if they listened, they wouldn't be pushing me this much. How can I set boundaries about this?
You need to say this directly. For example, say 'We're currently trying to get our lives in order, we're not thinking about having kids.' But say it clearly, without backtracking. Otherwise, if you beat around the bush, they won't understand. Usually, when you're specific and firm like this, the pressure decreases.
I've been through something similar; my sister was put under pressure by the family for the first two years because she wasn't having kids. One solution: say, 'I find the reason very personal.' After saying it coolly and calmly a few times, they get tired of asking. Seriously try it, it works.
Honestly, I didn't quite understand you. Instead of directly choosing to withdraw, why not ask and question why your families think this way? After all, they are saying it because they care about you and want to see their grandchildren. I don't think there's any malice in this.
In such situations, the most effective way to establish your stance is to use "I language." For example, by saying, "Discussing these topics makes me uncomfortable because our priorities are different right now," you convey a clear yet polite message. In psychology, such sentences help reduce conflict.
Let me update you: We had a family dinner this week, and everyone took turns asking why we haven't thought about having a child. I don’t know how many different ways we said, 'We haven't talked about that yet.' I got stressed, but I didn’t raise my voice too much to avoid any arguments at the table.
I swear I think these are just a mask, they might have different troubles rather than just wanting to have grandchildren. If there are older cousins in your family, it seems like they've gotten into this mindset of "others tried and failed, now it's your turn to have a baby." It might be good to have a deep conversation about this 😐
It's a tough situation from a man's perspective because the ball is usually thrown to the woman. Look, if they are coming at you this hard even with your partner next to you, he might be feeling caught in between. I’d suggest having an open conversation with him, something like, 'Please defend me a bit.' 🥲
Yeah, I felt like I was really cornered when everyone asked questions in turn at family meetings. You know, if you open your mouth, there will be a fight; if you don’t, you’ll explode with anger. I think this discomfort grows when you stay silent. You should directly tell them what you feel.
