I’m getting married, but the expenses have turned into a nightmare. Our budget is not enough, and both families keep insisting on things like ‘the gold should be this much, the guest list should be that many.’ No matter how much we try to cut back, there’s always pressure. How can one get out of this situation? For those who are about to get married or have already married, what do you think the solution is?
Clearly lay out your budget, stating how much money you have and itemizing where you’re going to spend that money. Then go to the families and say, ‘this is our number, we will shape things according to it.’ If you don’t speak openly now, many problems will arise at the wedding.
We had a very similar situation while planning our engagement; the mothers practically started a war over the wedding venue. In the end, we said, “Let’s sit down and make a decision by this date, or else we will cancel due to budget issues.” Once we got serious, they backed down.
Honestly, this is a very common situation. Families see marriage as something they can show off about. I think you should ignore the pressure a bit and be clear about what you want. They might whine for a while, but in the end, they’ll come around to your way of thinking.
I think you’re thinking too small. Marriage is also a symbol for families; they have dreams too. If you say that you’ve restricted everything for them now, they’ll remind you of it for a lifetime. If people in the neighborhood say ‘what a dull wedding it was,’ you would feel uncomfortable.
In this type of budget planning, first write down the mandatory expenses, then the flexible ones. If you don’t put a stop to flexible expenses like gold or the number of invitees, you may end up in a debt trap. Explain the remaining amount to the families. If they are not convinced, you can seek budget consulting from an expert.
Let me add that we don’t actually have a very big wedding dream. We just want it to be simple, to be with close ones. But our families keep insisting, saying ‘what will others think.’ The more we insist, the more they start speaking harshly. Is there anyone who has experienced such things?
This family pressure is so ridiculous. A friend of ours got married precisely because of this; they constantly argued. In the end, the girl said, ‘we’re having a small wedding, don’t say anything else,’ and that was that. I think you should stay firm, otherwise, it’ll really take a toll on your nerves.
The problem is this: The woman’s labor and life in marriage are always disregarded, only used for show. The gold, the number of guests — all of this is just for appearances. Tell those families that don’t make you a decision-maker, ‘This is our life!’ and learn to say no.