My fiancée’s family expects us to fully cover the wedding expenses. It already feels like we have been burdened enough on our side, and we can’t take on any more. However, my fiancée doesn’t want to confront her family. Honestly, this situation is exhausting me; it has turned into an endless wedding debate. What do you think is a good compromise here? Should the families or us be the priority?
I experienced the same thing, it’s really tough. At first, my fiancé’s father said, ‘we won’t interfere with the wedding,’ but then they got involved with the gold issue, and a big crisis broke out. We had gathered the elders of the family to talk. But at that time, my fiancé clearly said, ‘this is what we can do,’ and managed to set clear boundaries with his family. Maybe you need to talk with your fiancé and explain that it’s not an unlimited issue.
Actually, this is a very common thing. It seems like both sides want to protect their own rights. Sometimes, it evolves into the point of ‘did we give more?’ rather than just the costs. Perhaps instead of directly discussing gold, other contributions that both sides can make could also be talked about, which would help with the distribution of expenses.
To be honest, there are many unseen aspects to this situation. I think your fiancé’s family might see your financial situation as too strong. Or they might be subtly trying to pressure you, like saying ‘we’re not completely okay with this marriage.’ I suggest you ask your fiancé directly if there’s something else going on.
Honestly, it’s not so much about how much burden you bear here, but rather whether this burden is imposed on you or not. Always blaming the woman is quite a traditional form of pressure. Your fiancé doesn’t want to confront his family, but you are openly saying that you are taking on this burden. In this case, are your feelings completely disregarded?
I can’t help but ask this. Did you tell your fiancé or your family at the very beginning, ‘we won’t cover all the expenses’? I mean, it seems like your side has felt burdened, but maybe if it wasn’t clear from the start, everyone might have entered into expectations. The fact that you or your family didn’t outline these boundaries earlier could also play a role here; I think a little empathy is needed.
Let me give you an update; to be honest, I talked to my fiancée yesterday. It’s not too harsh, but her parents said something like “we’ve been raising kids for all these years, so don’t complain too much.” So naturally, she’s caught in the middle. But that really stresses me out because my mom also said, “then our family will chip in with the expenses.” Honestly, it seems like things are going to get messy.
The truth is this; marriage is not just something that two people establish. Families also connect with each other. So, the gold or wedding expenses are not just money; they actually affect the value and power balance that these two families assign to each other. There is also the saying, “what will others say?” One needs to accept these things in marriage; otherwise, it won’t work.