My mother-in-law is messaging my girlfriend on WhatsApp

Do they ever talk about you while chatting with your mom and boyfriend? I mean, do they complain about you, praise you, or ask for advice regarding you? Because if some of these conversations revolve around you, it holds different meanings for both your boyfriend and your mom. It’s somewhat related to who they see as having power.

What makes me wonder is: how does your partner handle these messages? I mean, if someone were to write like this to their mother, wouldn't they feel the weight of it? If it doesn't bother them, that's strange; if it does, how does it reflect on you? I think you need to examine your partner's reaction to this situation a bit, because messages are one thing, and attitude is another.

What was your reaction when you learned that your mother was texting your girlfriend? For example, did you ever have a conversation where you said, "this situation is uncomfortable for me"? If you haven't drawn a clear boundary on this, both of them might have accepted the strangeness of the situation as normal.

This made me think: could there be a "we" situation formed between your mother and your partner? I mean, a stance that excludes you or creates a bond in their own way? If so, I think what's more important than their correspondence is where they place you in their conversations.

How your partner views these messages is just as important as how aware your mother is of them. In other words, could your mother be thinking, "Am I creating an unnecessary closeness?" Or is it completely ordinary communication from her perspective? Because it's possible for one side to consider something normal while the other misunderstands it.

One point to be cautious about here is the balances in your communications. For instance, could it be that when your mom writes something to your partner, she’s passing along things that she would normally write to you? Is the communication between you two being conducted indirectly through her? If so, she might be positioning herself as a sort of "mediator," which could create even more complications. Have you considered this at all?

The mother's attitude is determined more by your position than your partner's reaction. Even if they have established a bond, who nurtured that bond, who allowed it? Let’s say you didn’t notice at first, what are you going to do now? Will you intervene, or will it continue like this?

Maybe your partner thinks that there are things they don't want to tell you that could be safely conveyed to your mother. After a breakdown in communication, such "indirect" solutions sometimes emerge, strange as they may be. But the critical point here is that if there’s something about you in their conversations, they are acting independently of your opinions. Have you ever had an idea about the content of their conversations?

Could this situation also show what "role" your mother assigns to your boyfriend? In other words, if she tends to involve you less and resolve issues or share things with him, it might stem from something lacking in your relationship with her. Have you ever asked her, "Why do you feel the need to communicate with him?"

Maybe your mom views your partner as a "bridge." But this bridge matter could work the other way around; does your partner want to gain "influence" over you through these communications? Or is this closeness just meant to appear harmonious? If it's one of these, it's one thing; if it's two, it's another.

The energy that your partner puts into this relationship is as critical as the mother's motivation. For example, has your partner never brought this situation up with you on their own? Even if they say it's just a "well-intentioned conversation," why might they think you would perceive it as natural? Because if there's a comfort level involved that bypasses you, I think it's more concerning that your partner normalizes this.

So your mom isn't just solving things by texting with your girlfriend, but is also gossiping and perhaps forming her own "little team"? I mean, could they be talking about you and creating a partnership among themselves instead of putting you at the center? Have you considered this possibility?

What if your girlfriend never told you about her conversations with your mother and you only found out by chance? I mean, wouldn't someone who considers this situation so "normal" feel a need for privacy? Perhaps the content of those conversations is different from what you think.

But didn't your mother consider that you would feel uncomfortable with her communicating with your partner this way? Or is what your mother is doing actually a way of maintaining her control over you in a different manner? Because this seems a bit like a strategic move.

Does your partner indirectly transfer your mother’s "emotional blackmail" or manipulation, which she normally wouldn't share with you in another context, while writing with her? Because sometimes these things are very subtle, and you might not notice. If your partner sees her as a controlling means, then they may be aligned with your mother rather than with you.

I think the key question here is this: Is the way your mother communicates with your partner something we would normally expect from a "mother-daughter" relationship? In other words, instead of your partner making it easier for your mother to reach you, has it become a tool for her to exclude you? If your mother has tried to exert control in such different ways before, this may just be one example.

Is your partner uncomfortable with this situation? I mean, did she ever imply that your mother is using these messages as a "tool of pressure" or that your partner is being forced into a role in this communication that she doesn't want? Or do both sides find this dynamic natural, and is it just you who finds it strange?

Is your partner able to maintain your mother's boundaries in these conversations? Or do they brush off everything your mom says with a "Okay, auntie, you're right" attitude? Because if you're someone who doesn't set boundaries, they won't be able to either.

The content of your mother's messages with her boyfriend is just as important as the frequency and context of those conversations. For instance, does she open up about every topic to him, or does she only discuss specific situations? Because if they are messaging frequently, it might have become a habit, and they may have established a dynamic between the two of them, despite you.

I think the way your boyfriend is handling this relationship is more critical than your mother's messaging with him. Whatever your mother is doing or going to do, how much is your boyfriend really on your side here, or does he even see this as a matter of sides? Because in this cycle, what's actually taking you out of focus seems to be more about your boyfriend's attitude than your mother's.

I think it's more critical to understand why your mom wants to build a close relationship with your partner, rather than your preference for whether to tell her about this communication or keep it to yourself. The issue here is whether your mom is stretching her own boundaries. Has she tried to build such a close relationship with your friends or ex-partners before, for example? If this situation keeps happening, it could actually be a general effort to "broaden the playing field."

Okay, but has your partner ever suggested discussing your views or feelings directly with your mother during these conversations? I mean, could they have taken on the role of someone who guides communication directly on your behalf rather than just acting as a go-between? Because this not only concerns your mother, but it also makes me question how your partner represents you.

Is your partner relaying the content of these messages to you, or are you completely out of the loop? Because if you're unaware of the content, you might not even notice if your mother is doing something that affects you with this communication. Instead of a connection, a confidant relationship might have been established.

Is your partner talking about topics that concern you, or is it completely independent chit-chat? Because the main issue is how much they make you feel "nonexistent" in this communication. Otherwise, if you're just discussing trivial things, your discomfort might come off as being a bit overly sensitive.

Is your mother the one initiating this correspondence, or is your partner open to communication on their own accord? Because whoever takes the initiative often determines the dynamic. Have you thought about how the intensity of this relationship would be affected if one of them stopped making the first move?

Does your mother being in such frequent contact with your partner actually show a bit about the space you give her? It seems like your mother has positioned this relationship outside the boundaries you’ve set. Have there been other situations where your mother has established such close contact with other people, or is this something exclusive to your partner? If it’s only like this for him, what could the reason be? Think about it.

If this situation is about your partner and your mother creating a "dual relationship" and you being left out of the dynamic, another question is: Has your partner talked to you about how this communication makes them feel? Are they uncomfortable or do they like it? Because if one of the parties is consciously or unconsciously creating space for this, your feelings may be getting lost in between.

You need to ask: Has your mom stopped or reduced communication with you? Because is she indirectly conveying things she wants to tell you through talking to your partner? If so, the issue might actually lie somewhere else.

I think what's important is not why the mother made these comments, but how the partner is responding here. In other words, regardless of what your mother says, how much value does your partner give to it? Is he the type to say "I’m uncomfortable" and set boundaries in a situation like this? Your mother’s approach matters to some extent, but the key is whether your partner is facilitating this or being passive. Is he collaborative or passive?

Could it be that your partner doesn't feel any responsibility towards you because they are chatting with your ex? In other words, are they adopting a "this is no longer my problem" attitude rather than being a mediator? Have you thought about setting clearer boundaries and asking your partner to handle this situation directly?

We don't really know how uncomfortable your partner is with this situation or if they are complaining about it, but the really strange part is why your mom chose to establish such a "closeness." I mean, even if the topics of conversation are independent, is this much normal? For example, is it your mom's general attitude, or is it something specific to your partner? You need to figure that out.

So what is your mother's tone in this communication with your partner? Is it a kind of favoritism or an attempt to establish a superiority over you, beyond sincerity? Because the content of these exchanges indicates whether their relationship is "friendly" or if there is an attempt to develop an independent bond from you.

It's interesting how, as much as the level of sincerity from your mother matters, the comfort your partner has in this communication is also notable. Let's say your mother tries something like this; why doesn't your partner cut it off and say, "this isn't my place"? In other words, you also need to question the boundary your partner sets or doesn't set, just like your mother's. Perhaps there's a fond interest there.

I was curious about what your mother thinks while doing this. It feels like she is excluding you from those conversations and pulling the relationship into her own orbit, as if claiming, "I am the main center of this matter." Do you ever feel this way?

Is your mother's aim to check on your significant other or to pull them into "somewhere"? Is there anything in the content of your conversations that concerns you, or are they completely unrelated topics? If there's no content that connects you, then the issue might actually be your mother trying to expand her personal space through your partner.

What concerns me is whether your partner has openly shared these messages with you. Are they keeping things secret, or did they mention "there's something going on" right from the start? Because if you've noticed this situation, there could be an effort to normalize the conversation with your mother or to hide it from you. Is there open and honest communication?

Your mother might also be doing this to strengthen her bond with you; have you considered that possibility? Does she think she is trying to maintain communication with your girlfriend to keep her more connected to you? The intention might seem well-meaning, but if the feeling of control outweighs it, it could backfire.

Have you considered the possibility of your mother gathering information about you through your partner? If the content of your conversations indirectly concerns you, it could be more than just curiosity; it might also be an effort to "observe". Especially if it seems like a method that tests the boundaries regarding your relationship, this could escalate.

Have you really noticed whether your partner is active in these messages? I mean, are they "responding", or is your mom always writing unilaterally? Because sometimes a communication that turns with the effort of one side may not represent a full relationship. Your partner may be going along with the situation out of necessity, or they might be intentionally leaving the door open. There's a difference between the two.

So, have you noticed which traits of your mom's boyfriend she focuses on more? For example, does she tend to lean towards specific things like work, character, hobbies in conversations, or is she trying to establish a more general closeness? Because this reveals the underlying intent of the messaging more clearly.

Could your mother see your girlfriend as a sort of "assistant referee" in these communications? That is, is she trying to indirectly send you messages through your girlfriend about things she thinks you can't resolve by talking to her directly? Because sometimes the main issue isn't the direct interaction, but rather the power dynamics established with the surrounding people.

Have you explicitly talked about whether your partner is uncomfortable with this situation? Because if they see this as normal, the dynamics of your conversations might be perfectly in sync between the two of you. This means you're being left out, regardless of intent. This is where you need to start.

Is your partner keeping up the conversations because "your mom wants him to" or does he genuinely want to? Because forget your mom's attitude, if your partner is being passive about this, the issue is with him. Ask clearly and get a straightforward answer.

Have you noticed how much of a "friendly" tone your partner brings to their conversations with your mother? I mean, do the talks feel friendly, or is there a hint of flirting in the air? Because to understand the intention, tone is just as important as the words themselves. Have you ever paid attention to this?

Does she have a habit of showing you her correspondence? I mean, if she engages in communication that she doesn't share with you, it implies a more hidden agenda. If there is a secret connection, it cannot be ignored.

Could your mom be trying to "make a move" on your boyfriend with these messages? In other words, is she trying to keep him close instead of you, creating an ally for herself in possible future issues? Because these kinds of things can sometimes shape future roles, you need to look at it from today.

What is the frequency of your partner's correspondence with your mother like? Is it regular every day, or is it happening randomly? Because if there is a routine, it might have become a habit, meaning it's now a "normal" situation. This indicates that you may have lost control over the situation.

When your partner is chatting with your mom, are they discussing topics specifically related to you, or are they talking about completely unrelated matters? If it's the latter, you might just be an intermediary in the conversation. This makes for a more complicated equation.

Is your partner following your mother's guidance in these communications, or are they also taking an active role in this interaction? We need to clarify this. So, are they just the "responding" party, or do they also initiate and sustain the conversation? Because either way, there's an issue, but the solution would differ.

How long are these communications? Are we talking about short, superficial dialogues or is there detailed communication over longer exchanges? Because every prolonged dialogue strengthens the bond, and it's important to consider this to understand the seriousness of the matter.

So, has your partner ever expressed discomfort about this situation? Or are they acting as if everything is normal? Because if they're not feeling uncomfortable, they either see this communication as completely natural from their perspective, or they're trying to ignore your mother's interventions and maintain balance. The difference between these two is significant.

If one of them is showing "excessive compliance" in the dynamic between your mother and your partner, that can be a bit strange. For instance, is your partner being overly accommodating, or is there an unnecessary attempt at closeness? Or is your mother constantly testing him and measuring his boundaries? I think it’s important to clarify who is playing whom.

I think you should focus more on how your partner views this situation rather than your mother's intentions. Even if you don’t know the content of the messages, does your partner mention this kind of communication to you? If it’s never brought up, they might be hiding something or think it’s unnecessary for you to know. Both scenarios are concerning.

Could it be this: Does your partner see the correspondence with your mother as a struggle for "approval" or to be "favored"? As if they were in a race to gain ground, they might be trying to solidify their position with your mother's approval. Here, it's important to understand your partner's motivations as much as your mother's.

Who started this messaging thing? Your mom or your girlfriend? Because whoever took the initiative, it would be easier to understand their intentions. It looks like there's quite a deliberate step involved.

Whoever started it, who sets the pace of messaging now? Is there a side that continuously writes and checks in, or is it a mutual, balanced communication? The flow of communication will reveal more clearly the intentions and interests of whoever controls it.

But why is your mother communicating one-on-one with your girlfriend like this? I mean, even in traditional families, such a thing is rare. If there's something she needs to message, shouldn't she tell you and have you pass it along? There's definitely a crossing of boundaries here, that's clear.

Besides your mother's correspondence with your girlfriend, how is this situation affecting your relationship? For example, is there any change in how you communicate with each other, or does the strength of the bond between your mother and your girlfriend become more apparent when you're not around? If this isn't just a matter of messaging, there might be other things going on in the background.

In this communication, what your mother talked about with your partner is important, but it's even stranger that your partner hasn't mentioned these messages to you at all. Normally, if something like this happened, people would express it in some way. If they never bring it up, either they think you would overreact or they aren't bothered by the situation. Both are thought-provoking.

What is your mom's tone like when she chats with your girlfriend? Is it formal, friendly, or playful? Because the style often reveals the nature of a relationship. If the intimacy is pushing some boundaries, it's essential to question your mom's role in this.

Have you ever thought about how much your partner expresses their own wishes and boundaries while communicating with your mother? Maybe your mother is doing her own thing, but if your partner is passively approving this situation, it could lead to issues regarding boundaries in your relationship as well. It's important to consider not just your mother's attitude but also your partner's.

Did your partner clearly tell you about this situation while communicating with your mother, or did you notice it yourself? Because if this situation wasn't open from the beginning, then it means there’s a communication based on hiding things in between. If it started secretly, you can't resolve intentions without talking.

If your partner is not bothered by these messages or is not explicitly setting boundaries, there is a possibility that in the future, they may stand by your mother instead of you. Because the one who establishes balance in this dynamic is you, not them. The question is: in this triangle, who has the authority, you or your mother?

Putting aside how your mother has been communicating with your partner, we need to ask why you don't have a role in this communication. It seems like a third party is being introduced into your relationship, and you’re being sidelined. It feels strange to me that this continues as if it's perfectly natural. Have you clearly expressed your discomfort?

But what common ground could your mother have to correspond with your girlfriend so much? Even if it’s just things like "what's my son up to," the frequency of communication seems irrational. It feels strange to me that you tolerate your mother bypassing you to establish a separate bond with your girlfriend.

It seems like the real issue is that you can't draw your mother's conversations with your girlfriend into the area you know. How you learned about this situation is very important, but after finding out, did you try talking to your mom about it? Because you'll need to set a boundary with your mom before your girlfriend, otherwise both will continue as they please.

It's not enough to just be interested in what your mother talks about in her messages; consider whether there is an effort to establish a separate bond with your partner. Because this isn't just messaging; it could be an attempt to gain power. If your mother is forming an alliance with your partner that goes beyond you, it could disrupt the dynamics of your relationship. In such independent communication, clarify what everyone's intention is.

Maybe your mom is trying to check up on you by texting your girlfriend, but indirectly. In other words, she might be trying to influence her instead of you. Have you ever thought about that?

Try to understand why your mother can continue messaging with her lover as if it's such a normal thing. Because in such a situation, usually one of the parties feels uncomfortable, or a boundary has already been set from the start. Where do you stand in this triangle that allows your mother to feel this comfortable?

Think about the mother's attempt to make your partner feel close to her through these communications. In other words, she might have seen this not as a way to bypass you or establish authority, but rather as a reflex of "seeking closeness." But the problem is: you are uncomfortable with this situation, while your partner is supposedly not. Could your mother be testing how far she can go?

Your partner's attitude is just as important as your mother's. We don’t know the content of your messages, but why is your partner allowing this? If there’s a situation bothering you, their indifference could be a sign. If you asked, "Did they say anything about your mother?" and didn’t get a clear answer, the issue might be more complicated than you think.

Do you know who starts the messages between your girlfriend and your mom, and who writes more? Because it seems like your mom is trying to create a "closeness" here, but if your girlfriend is also responding actively, she is feeding this dynamic too. It might not be a one-sided issue.

Have you ever thought that your mother’s correspondence might not be to "check on you" but rather to somehow give her approval to your partner? In other words, she might be trying to shape the relationship in the way she wants. If your partner allows this, it’s essential for you to take a step that disrupts this dynamic.

Is there any other subject that your mom compares your partner to or makes demands on? Does the communication always revolve around everyday matters, or are there suggestions like "do this like that" involved? Because situations like this usually establish a deeper annoying bond than expected, either with the partner or the family.

Is your mother trying to make you and your partner look like a "team" by communicating with your partner, or does she want to set up a control mechanism every now and then? In other words, this isn't just a situation against your mother; why does your partner continue these communications? Who determines the boundaries in the relationship, as there seems to be a lack of clarity there.

Do you still have no idea about the content of these conversations? I mean, how often, what are they talking about, what are their styles? Because if you're feeling this uncomfortable, you at least need to look openly at "what's going on here." Maybe there's no dubious sincerity, or maybe there's something more intrusive than you assumed.

Making so many guesses without knowing the content of the messages is pointless. Just ask your partner directly: "What are you discussing with my mom? I'm feeling uncomfortable, and I don't know." Let's see how they react. You'll understand both their sincerity and your mom's role better.

Have you ever thought about what a mother expects from her partner? I mean, could she be playing a "role" with him not just through texting, but through other actions as well? If your partner accepts this role, it likely affects the dynamics of your relationship too. Perhaps your discomfort is not unfounded.

The fact that the communications are continuously ongoing is already a strange situation. But the real critical point is, how does this communication make your partner feel? Is it "comfortable," "forced," or are they "enjoying" it? Depending on that, either your mother's intentions or your partner's reactions become more apparent.

Maybe the issue is as much about the way your mother writes to her partner as it is about how the partner continues to respond. Your mother might be requesting something, but it seems like her partner carries on without setting boundaries. Is the goal those correspondences, or is it this form of communication that both of them consider "normal"? It will be difficult to find a solution without clarifying this.

Does your partner give you any information about your mother during these conversations? Does she say something like, "Your mother said this"? I think the situation becomes more unsettling if she is living that side of her life as if it is a completely separate relationship in silence. Communication should be transparent; that should be looked at too.

The starting point is as important as the frequency of the messages. Is it your girlfriend who initiates, or is it your mom? If your mom is the one who constantly writes, there may be a situation of "testing interest" here. But if your girlfriend also seems eager, you need to question what this communication means from her perspective. When discussing this, it may be necessary not to put both in the same category.

Just as important as your mother chatting with your girlfriend is whether or not you can express your discomfort about the situation. For instance, did you clearly tell her that it bothers you? If you haven't and you're still feeling uneasy, your own passivity might be complicating things further. If you remain unresponsive, others will shape your place in the dynamic anyway.

The purpose of your mother corresponding with your partner is as important as how willing your partner is to correspond with your mother. Because some people continue to respond even when they feel uncomfortable in order not to upset their elders, while others see it as an opportunity to create an additional bond. When your partner does not express their discomfort, one must question how much your feelings are taken into account.

Is Anne normally this "touchy-feely" or is it just because of her boyfriend? Because if it's not a general trait of hers, she might have some expectations or a special purpose related to your boyfriend. This is related not only to the mere form of the messages but also to the underlying motivation.

Have you ever looked into the content of their conversations? I mean, it's normal not to feel uncomfortable just because they're chatting, but what they’re discussing makes a big difference. Is it casual chit-chat or personal matters? If they’re discussing topics that could create a special bond, that’s a concern regarding how boundaries are being drawn with you.

It's fine for your mom to be messaging your partner, but how much are you being excluded from this? I mean, has a completely closed space been created among the three of you, or are they including you in some way? If you're being completely excluded, these messages might not just be a matter of "closeness."

It's already strange that there's messaging between your mother and your partner, but it's also worth questioning why your mother never shares these conversations with you. Normally, everyone would throw something in like, "I told him, and Farukcan said this." Find a way to learn the details that aren’t coming back to you, and get the full picture.

What about the language your mom uses when she talks with your girlfriend, pay attention to that. Is it a very friendly, joking tone or is it more distant and formal? Because it's not just the content that matters; the style reveals the dynamics of the relationship. If it’s too friendly, it can turn into a "control game" from your mom's side.

Considering the duration and frequency of the messages, how much influence does your mother have on your partner? In other words, do you notice any change in your partner's behavior towards you after the messages? Because sometimes, there might also be a subtle guidance at play in such situations.

Did you consider the possibility that your mom didn’t write all of these parameters on her own? Maybe your girlfriend is forced to respond to messages, but actually, it’s your mom who keeps the conversation going? If your girlfriend isn’t “participating,” this could be a situation completely managed by your mom. Did you ask her?

How did you find out that your mother was messaging your girlfriend? Did your girlfriend tell you, or did you stumble upon it yourself? Because if your girlfriend shared this on her own, she may be more transparent in the process, but if she kept it hidden, then it requires a bit more questioning.

If your mom writes so casually, who else is she crossing boundaries like this with? I mean, could it have happened with your friends before your girlfriend too? If this is just a situation unique to your girlfriend, then you need to figure out how she established a different kind of connection there.

Are you uncomfortable with your partner chatting with someone else? Have you asked your partner directly about it? I mean, have you talked openly about what they're discussing and why they're messaging each other so often? Sometimes an unhealthy bond can form, but sometimes it can also be a situation where your partner is quietly dealing with it by saying "please." I assume you know your mother's personality, I mean, is she a dominant person or does she tend to lean towards subtle manipulation? That's important too.

Is your partner sharing anything about you while chatting with your mother? Is there anything being discussed about you? Because if it’s not a neutral space for them, they might interpret you based on those conversations. This can turn the relationship into a triangular form, and without realizing it, everyone takes a position.

So, have you thought about whether your mother told your partner that she was messaging with him? Maybe she said something like, "Does Farukcan know that we are chatting?" If your partner says, "No, he doesn’t know," then we should also consider whether there's a confidentiality agreement in place.

Does your partner bring up issues between you while chatting? Is there a situation where a third party is put in the position of a referee? If this is happening, it significantly undermines the privacy of the relationship.

The mother's intention here is important. Is her attempt to establish such close contact with someone in your life a form of control, pressure, or an indirect way of imposing her wishes? How much is your partner being "themselves" during these communications? Sometimes people unconsciously create a pressure mechanism through a third party; be mindful of that.

Have you ever noticed how your girlfriend communicates with your mother when replying to messages? Is she distant, or does she engage in a way that develops the conversation? Because both your mother's intentions and how your girlfriend shapes that communication are important. If your girlfriend is feeding into this situation, the issue might not just be your mother's overstepping of boundaries.

Could your mother be putting herself in a "party" position while communicating with your partner? In other words, is she sharing things about your relationship that she hasn't told you, or is she asking your partner for something regarding you? Because this situation can create a bit of a fourth relationship dynamic: you-mother-partner and the mother-partner line.