My mother-in-law is messaging my girlfriend on WhatsApp

how your mother positions her correspondence is just as important as your partner's reactions to it. Your mother could be writing in a dominating way, but why isn't your partner either cutting it off completely or being transparent with you about it? Even if they don't want to, they might be withdrawing, for example, but can an adult really remain this passive?

It's weird that your mom is able to communicate this openly with your boyfriend, but what really makes me think is how your boyfriend approaches this situation. Regardless of your mom's intentions, why does your boyfriend get directly involved instead of saying, "This is about my girlfriend, consult her"? If he can't keep such a distance, he really needs to stop and reflect on himself. Transparency is one thing, but what's important is whether the guy has boundaries.

Here's a question: your mother does this with your partner, but what about with your friends and your work circle? Is it a general need for control or centrality, or is this situation specific to this person? If it's only directed at your partner, then the issue might be related to your partner.

If your partner is continuing this dialogue, can we think that your mother has developed a strategy? I mean, your partner might be using you as a "refined" source of information in communication with them. Could it be that they are taking an indirect route through you because they have difficulty understanding you directly? But in that case, why is your partner willingly taking on this role, which is what is truly puzzling.

If your partner is engaging in direct dialogue with your mother so easily, it's necessary to question your partner's boundaries rather than your mother's. Your mother may be dominant or manipulative; that's her way. However, your partner should be in a position to set that boundary. If they can't, you need to consider why they have become accustomed to this situation or what they gain from maintaining this communication.

Maybe it's necessary to look at the intentions of the girlfriend rather than the mother. Could the mother's need for control be part of a power balance game that the girlfriend wants to play? In other words, could maintaining this dialogue be a strategy to gain an advantage in the relationship?

You also need to consider this: Is your mother casting you in a "mediator" role while she does this with your partner? In other words, is she aiming to be a kind of binding, guiding figure between you and your partner? This positions both your partner and yourself, after all. If your partner is not disrupting this situation but instead continuing it or remaining silent, we need to examine how this affects the balance in your relationship.

One more thing to ask is: Could it be that your mother is only establishing a "dialogue" with your partner through these conversations? In other words, could your mother be using your partner as a channel to somehow shape the relationship? This situation might open the door for the relationship to take on a three-person dynamic. Is your partner genuinely caught in the middle, or are they consciously part of this game?

I wonder how they managed to sustain such intense communication until you noticed it. Was this situation kept under wraps, or did they behave as if it was normal? If both are in a comfort that affirms each other, then it's time to question not the individual boundaries but the dynamics within the relationship.

What's particularly interesting here is that your mother and your partner have created a trust environment in this communication that is independent of you. How was this trust established? Since neither of them clearly explained it to you, there seems to be a different dynamic in their dialogue than what you have with them. Regardless of whether it's entirely innocent, why does it contain an element of secrecy?

It is necessary to see whether this situation entails a search for authority in the relationship. Your mother may prefer to take an indirect approach, checking on you instead of seeing your partner by your side. In other words, the main question should be: who is actually distancing this relationship from its foundation?

The real question that should be asked is this: How coincidental is the content of these conversations? Is your mother talking about the weather with your girlfriend, or is there something directly related to your relationship? If it's the latter, why does your girlfriend continue this without including you?

Is Anne trying to passive-aggressively undermine you by talking to your boyfriend, or is she sidelining you by talking to your mother? You're the key here, but it seems like you’re also the quietest one. Think about why this communication has reached a point where it might ignore you.

Did you ever explicitly say you wanted your mother and your girlfriend to be this close? Maybe the issue here is that you didn't set any boundaries. If you didn't object to their "normalizing" dialogue from the beginning, it seems strange that you're uncomfortable with it now.

But isn't it a bit too easy to say "if no boundaries were set, the problem is yours"? Normally, who would even consider a scenario where a person is constantly messaging their girlfriend on WhatsApp with their mother? These people should be aware that they're doing something strange from the get-go; do you really have to loudly draw a boundary for them to understand your discomfort?

Perhaps your mother sees your partner as an "insider information" source. In other words, she might be learning from your partner how to approach you and how to respond to various situations. Such a communication can stem not only from a place of sincerity but also from a desire to exert control. I think you should consider how well your partner is adapting to this.

Have you figured out what position your partner has taken in this communication? In other words, is he/she someone open to your mother's guidance, or did he/she get this close completely on his/her own volition? If he/she is passively accepting your mother's conversations, then the issue is your partner's awareness of boundaries; if it’s a conscious choice, then he/she might be seeking some kind of "partnership" in this communication that is independent of you. Which one is it?

I'm curious where this places you while they communicate so comfortably with your ex. Either they are talking without considering you at all, or they are subtly trying to send you a message. Both are unsettling, but I think you need to clarify which one it is.

Has anything been thought about the content of the mother's message? I mean, is it a sincere sharing, asking for information, or are there small manipulative things? Does your partner feel the need to show you those messages, for example? If there is a closed flow of conversation with you, that's already a problem in itself.

I'm trying to understand this: Is your mother doing this communication for "herself", or to indirectly affect you? Is it intended to build a bridge, or to bypass you in some way? If you don't clarify, you'll always feel the weight of this triangle in the relationship, and the situation could turn into something greater than just discomfort.

The main issue here is: how long have they been like this? If you initially brushed it off with "what can you do, they're trying to build a connection," now your seriousness is questionable. But if they’ve been this tight-knit from the beginning, where did your partner get that comfort from? Because someone has opened that door, that's clear.

How often do you chat with your ex's girlfriend, what are the topics, and is there no mention of you in this communication? If they have started to establish a connection while completely excluding you, this can be seen not just as a boundary issue, but also as a mutual power test. In such a situation, it's tough to address your discomfort without directly mentioning it to either of them.

So has your mom ever mentioned her conversations about your girlfriend when chatting with others? I mean, does she keep you in the loop, saying things like, "we talked about this today," or is it completely closed communication? If there's no transparency about you, it could be a sign that they're starting to build a connection among themselves while sidelining you in the relationship.

The issue is not just your mother's approach, but also your partner's tendency to normalize and not address this situation. Your mother may be trying something, but if your partner can't clearly define their role, the main problem lies there. Otherwise, at some point, the dynamics of your relationship will completely shift.

Did your mother ever try to gauge your reaction while maintaining this communication? I mean, does she seem to consider that you might be uncomfortable at all, or is she completely ignoring it? Because this is a direct indicator of how much she cares about you.

Why is your partner so relaxed, for example? Messaging your mom for hours and putting down the pen and paper to address something "weird" is already strange. How will the relationship dynamics remain healthy with someone who doesn't challenge this communication and takes no steps to cut it off? It's not one-sided; it's as if there's a mutual "boundary issue."

Have you ever thought about your father's attitude towards your mother establishing such a relaxed connection with your partner? I mean, is this communication from the mother's side coming from a "seen example" or is it entirely a personal dynamic? If such things have happened in the family before, it might have also influenced your stance on this.

What do your girlfriend and her lover find so common in a relationship that's so different? What are they talking about? If it's everyday gossip, cooking recipes, that's one thing, but if it's sharing woes, having long conversations, that's completely different. There's definitely something odd about it.

So what might be your mother's motivation to continue this communication with your partner? That is, does she have an intention to protect you, get to know your partner, or "check up" on them, or is she simply filling her own emotional void? Because if one is controlling, the other is allowing it, it seems to have turned into a kind of exchange of needs.

We questioned how much your mother considers your presence in her communication with your girlfriend, but there's also this: Have you ever felt any extra closeness or emotional tone regarding your girlfriend in that communication? In other words, apart from the content of their conversations, is there a specific thing in your mother's attitude that makes you uncomfortable? Because sometimes the issue isn't just about boundaries, but also about the other person's intentions.

There’s also this possibility: Could it be that your mother is comparing these messages with someone else in her social circle? In other words, is she seeking validation in the style of "look how compatible this bride candidate is" or motivated by a desire to put on a show for her peers? If that’s the case, this communication may be more related to the image your mother wants to project to the outside world than to her relationship with you.

No matter what the mother's intention is, it's a big issue for the partner to allow this. But let me ask this: Are these communications happening despite you, or are you fully aware of them, seeing them, and not reacting? Because if your indifference is also part of it, communication is not just an open door for two but for three.

Have you ever checked the content of these messages in detail? I mean, is there a part of what goes on between your mom and your girlfriend that is related to you, or are they forming a connection by excluding you? Because it's not just about messaging; it's important to know where you stand in all of this.

It seems that the ease with which your mother communicates has an influence from the space your partner gives her, but let's look at it from the opposite angle: Does your partner behave like a different person around your mother? In other words, is there a demeanor that seems aimed solely at pleasing her or gaining her approval? Is there a "role" being played here, or is this communication truly natural? We can't solve this without knowing the content.

I feel like there’s something about your mom that makes your boyfriend feel "closer" to you. For instance, does your boyfriend show a special interest in him when he's around your mom? Or on the flip side, does your mom find an understanding here that she can't find among her own circle? Because sometimes, as much as what they write is important, the dynamic that starts the correspondence is significant too.

Before I think about all these details, let me ask this: Is the communication something initiated by your mother, or is your partner the one constantly engaging in dialogue? Whoever is initiating it should be examined more closely regarding their intentions, as that person determines the dynamic of the relationship.

Could the mother's correspondence with your partner be something she has seen modeled in other relationships? For instance, if her own mother, other families, or someone from her circle have implanted such a "modern" relationship image in her mind, you might not find any "naturalness" in this. Is she breaking her own boundary, or is she trying to imitate someone else? This can be examined.

Putting aside the fact that your mother is messaging your boyfriend, how does your boyfriend defend or explain this situation? Is he saying something like "we're just getting along well," or is he aware of how this affects your relationship? Because I think his stance on these messages is more decisive.

So if your mother and your girlfriend are texting this much, what’s going on with the actual side of things? For example, do your mom and girlfriend spend time alone together? Are there meetups or visits when you're not around? Forget about the texting, is there a physical manifestation of this dynamic? That's something to consider.

It's already strange that the communications have become constant, but it seems that the root of the problem is that neither of them has set boundaries. Could it be that your mother is taking on a "role" next to your partner instead of you? In other words, does her expectation from your partner come from wanting to establish some authority over him?

As important as your mother’s correspondence with your partner, is how openly they keep you informed about the content of those conversations. If both of them have completely normalized this situation and disregard your concerns, there might be a "we" situation here that infringes on your space. Have you ever reacted to this or directly shared your thoughts on the matter?

Do you think there shouldn't be such a bond between your mother and your partner? For instance, does the idea that they could have a completely independent communication shake your perception of the relationship? Because sometimes there is no strange situation at hand, but there is no place for such a thing within our boundaries, and that is perfectly normal. It's up to you to decide where you stand on this.

Why does everyone focus on the girlfriend's side or the mother's intentions? If there's something hidden in these communications against you, it’s worth questioning the need for both of them to hide something from you. Otherwise, it shifts to mind reading and "who started it," while the real problem is overlooked.

So how "intimate" are the conversations between your mother and your partner? Is it a normal chat, or are there jokes, details about private life, or maybe unusually personal topics involved? Not every message conveys the same seriousness or comfort; you need to look at the content as well.

You say to look at the content of the messages, but if they're not already aware of it, then why all these questions? For example, even if a mother doesn't directly share "special" things, she may still be establishing a secret bond with her partner. It all comes down to transparency; it's not about what is written but how open they are that matters.

Could there be a situation forming a "team" between your partner and her ex? That is, a collaboration and an effort to establish a strong bond among themselves while sidelining you in some way. Because this correspondence issue might not only be about transparency but could also be a matter of power balance or a hierarchy battle. Are there any other signs of behavior related to this?

If there is so much communication, there may be a gap in the dynamic between your mother and your girlfriend that needs to be filled. For example, if your mother doesn't have anyone else in her life, could she be seeing your girlfriend as a "figure of closeness"? Or has your girlfriend chosen a path through your mother in her efforts to fit into your circle? I suggest focusing on what doesn't bother either of them.

Wait a minute, what's your role while your mom is chatting with your girlfriend? I mean, they're messaging each other, and you're just watching, right? Take a look at who is at the center of the relationship.

Why does your mom need to be in such contact with your partner? Is there a need for it, or is it just a "we happened to connect" situation? Because if there's no logical reason, it seems like an unnecessary closeness is forming.

While communicating this much, have you noticed how your mother and your partner address each other? Because in written conversations, the tone can err, but the chosen words define the boundaries of their relationship. For example, if there are expressions like "honey" or "sweetheart," do you think that's normal?

So, is your mother acting like an authority figure in your boyfriend's life, or do their correspondences reflect a more equal level of comfort? Because if one side is dominating the other, it could affect the dynamics of your relationship. It's important to consider not only the "form of address" but also who is giving more direction to this.

You also need to understand whether your mom is investing more in your boyfriend or your boyfriend in your mom. In other words, from these communications, who is benefiting more / achieving better balance? Is your mom leaning towards your boyfriend because she feels lonely, or is your boyfriend getting closer to her to gain an advantage? Are you keeping an equal distance from both sides?

Think about it this way; the messages between your mother and your partner might appear as a "seeming closeness," but could they have an underlying intention of controlling or manipulating you? In other words, one might be trying to guide you by feeling out the other. Pay particular attention to the parts of the messages that concern you.

If they are writing this much about a topic that doesn't concern you, the real question is: when did such intimacy develop? If you can't remember the beginning, it seems like one of them consciously shortened this distance. Who initiated it?

Just look at how your mother defends her style of messaging with your partner in front of you. Is there a nonchalant attitude like "what's wrong with it, we’re just talking" or does she go on the defensive? Sometimes the reaction given is a reflection of the intention.

When chatting with your ex, do they often overstep boundaries and make decisions directly about you? In other words, are there situations where they plan things without consulting you or considering your opinion? If that's the case, they might be sidelining you. I suggest you take a look at the impact these conversations have on you.

Do you think your mom might not be sharing these messages with you? Check on that. I mean, if you ask her, would she say, "No, that's not the case"? Because some people try to keep this kind of communication under their control, maybe it's important for her to be open in order to figure out her motivation here. How much of this communication is being reflected back to you?

Maybe the issue isn't about your mother talking to your partner, but rather your position in this situation. Have you become a bridge in this relationship, or have you been unintentionally left out? Don't forget the role you assign to yourself while assessing the possibilities.

Let me ask this; if your mother is communicating so openly with your girlfriend, does she see a "friendship" in their relationship, or is she trying to establish a "bond" independent of you? There is a big difference between the two. If you say it's friendship, consider whether it affects the distance between you. But if she is trying to create a bond, this could lead to a more long-term situation.

Does your ex show a tendency to take sides or adopt a position when talking with your current significant other about you? For instance, speaking on your behalf on a personal matter. If both parties are making decisions for you and saying "we thought this way," the real issue might be the weakness of your own stance.

Consider this; is your mother trying to settle into a position of authority or guidance in your partner's eyes by messaging them? In other words, does she want to take on a "big" role in the relationship? If so, this could disrupt the balance a bit, and you might end up feeling somewhat pushed into the background.

Perhaps it's more important to focus on why your mother and your partner aren't openly sharing their conversations with you, rather than the content of the conversations themselves. If it's a normal situation, why does it create a sense of secrecy? The issue may lie in the lack of communication.

So, do you know how often your mom and your partner communicate? I mean, is it just the occasional check-in conversation, or are they constantly chatting? Because in both cases, the intent changes. Frequency adds another dimension to the issue.

Do your ex and your girlfriend ever try to establish a vibe of "for your own good" while messaging you? For instance, could they have started to impose something on you, acting like a united front? The tone of your messages is important in this regard.

Does your ex share any special details or personal moments about you while chatting with their new partner? Because if there's a flow of information that crosses your boundaries, the issue isn't about intention or frequency, but trust. In this case, a connection may be established at the expense of your privacy.

Try to understand whether your mother has given any "special information" or "guidance" regarding your girlfriend during these conversations. Is she speaking from a place that makes your girlfriend feel close to her without you noticing? For example, is there any mentoring going on about her family, job, or plans? It's a very fine line, and if not noticed, the roles can get confused.

But have you thought about how your partner sees these messages? I mean, are they truly comfortable or are they just continuing for the sake of getting along with your mom? If they're feeling forced into an unwanted commitment, they might be considering pulling back.

Here's the thing: your partner might be pretending to read the message just because your mom wrote it, and may respond that way. But here's where it gets tricky: if your partner is eager about these exchanges, even going ahead of you and making suggestions, it's time to question it a bit. Sometimes, you need to directly ask, "Are you looking for another authority in your relationship?"

What is the motivation behind a mother doing this? Is it something like "I’ll be the one to stay hungry to befriend my child" or is it a control mechanism? Because if it’s just about surveillance or trying to pull your partner into the path she has drawn, then the one who should be discussed is more your mother than your partner.

Perhaps there’s a dynamic in this communication between your mother and your partner that you’re not aware of. For example, could your mother be approaching your partner as a sort of balance in relation to you? Is there a sense of guidance like, "I know my son, if you do it this way, there won't be any problems"? Sometimes these kinds of things can start with good intentions and then cross a boundary.

Does your girlfriend ever mention this to you while chatting with your mother? Or was there a situation that made you feel like you learned about it by coincidence? Because if she's hiding it, it seems like there's more of a problem than comfort, if it's not shared openly.

If there is such a regular correspondence between your girlfriend and your mother, another thing that catches my interest is how this dynamic affects your authority in the relationship. For example, does it create an atmosphere where your mother’s advice on a certain issue seems more valid than what you said? Do you feel like there’s a third party among the decisions you make as a couple? This requires attention.

Have you ever had a disagreement or discussion on different matters while chatting with your beloved? Because always appearing in harmony can sometimes be superficial; the real issue arises when there's a difference of opinion. That's when you'll understand more clearly whether it's sincerity or strategy at play.

No one has said this: Could the prolonged correspondence be creating a "consultative bond" between your partner and your mother? In other words, your partner may begin to see your mother as a "solution partner" in every problem they encounter together. It would be a situation that strengthens their relationship but sidelines you; are you aware of that?

Do you think that your mom writing so much to your girlfriend could create a feeling of "you don't trust me" at times? I mean, wouldn't it be healthier for your mom to communicate through you rather than directly ask your girlfriend something? Or is there a justification for these messages like "I'm just trying to get to know her better"?

So, is your partner responding on their own initiative in these messages, or is your mom the one keeping the conversation going? Because if your mom is constantly writing but your partner remains passive, that's one thing; if your partner is always actively responding, that creates a completely different situation. Who is keeping the communication alive?

Has your partner ever offered to show you these messages? I mean, is there any transparency like "Look, your mom wrote this, and I replied like this"? If nothing is being shared, could there be an effort to filter things out? Why would they feel the need to hide anything?

Have you ever thought about whether what a mother writes to her partner can shape their opinions about you? I mean, if there's a language that unintentionally portrays you as insignificant, flawed, or "problematic"... What is the underlying message in those communications? One cannot feel at ease without understanding this.

The tone of these correspondences is important. For example, is your mother asking "how are you, are you doing well" just because she loves you, or is she going into unnecessary details? Because if it goes beyond the everyday, there may be a "search for closeness" or a control situation.

Could there be a situation where the mother pulls your partner to her side, positioning them somewhat like an "ally"? In other words, if the balance of parties in the relationship is changing due to communications, this could harm not only the messages but the overall dynamic as well. Is she establishing a connection that would enable you to step back? Pay attention to this.

Is she saying something special about you? Pay attention to that. For example, are you aware that your mother may have started approaching topics by saying "because of you"? That creates an area where she can manipulate you through your partner.

Could the fact that your mother is communicating so much with your partner be an attempt to expand her own control? I mean, it might be a passive show of power like "no one can do anything here without my knowledge." It is important to pay attention to how this reflects in the tone and content of the messaging.

Does what the mother writes to her boyfriend create a change in his behavior? In other words, does it have an effect on how he talks to you, his decision-making processes, etc.? Or is it a completely separate area of communication? This difference is important.

Could what your mother has written shape your partner's approach to your family? In other words, is your partner establishing their relationship with your family from their own perspective, or is it from a framework guided by your mother? Because these communications affect not just the bond between your mother and your partner, but actually the connections among all of you.

This is also a possibility: Your partner might view these communications as a way to establish a totally personal connection outside of your relationship, seeing it as natural or even a "necessity." But in this case, why does it normalize to establish such a connection without sharing it with you? Shouldn't they have to sit down and discuss this with you?

Is your mother fulfilling her own emotional needs when she writes to her lover, or does she genuinely want to connect with him? In other words, we need to clarify whether the content of her messages serves your mother's need for loneliness, attention, or control. Because the issue may not be the bond with her lover, but rather what void your mother is filling.

Beyond the content of the messages, it's important to consider how your partner has set their own boundaries in this communication. Your mom is writing, sure, but does your partner say "yes" to everything written or do they maintain a certain distance? Sometimes the real clue lies not in your mom's behavior, but in your partner's.

But have you ever questioned why your partner didn't tell you about these messages? Regardless of your mother's intentions, your partner has a responsibility to keep you informed. Why was there such a "silent agreement" in between?

I think this is the important part: Who started these messages? Did your mom just start writing out of nowhere or did your partner create space under the guise of "intimacy"? To understand the dynamics of the relationship, you need to look at the beginning.

Your mom chatting with your girlfriend is a separate issue, but how your girlfriend makes space for it is what really matters. Otherwise, your mom will feel the boundary at some point and won't continue. Is your girlfriend discussing something about you during the messaging, or is it completely like "you're not even here"? This might have changed the power balance between the three of you.

Putting aside your mother texting your boyfriend, have you thought about whether your boyfriend is uncomfortable with this situation or not? Because sometimes a third person can get caught in such communication unintentionally. So, does your boyfriend really enjoy these exchanges, or is he unconsciously playing a role to maintain a "proper relationship"? This is important too.

When your partner communicates so directly with your mother, what kind of impression does that leave on you? I mean, their ability to develop such a bond without including you, how does it affect your place in the relationship? If it creates a kind of "it's okay even if you're not there" feeling, that's definitely something that needs to be discussed.

So, was there ever anything mentioned about you in the conversations between your mom and your partner? If there's a topic that directly concerns you or any detail about your life that's being discussed, how right is it to leave this completely to your partner's discretion? Maybe the issue isn't just between "them."

How did your partner react when your mother initiated such communication? Did they engage directly, or did they maintain distance? That initial reaction might also provide an important clue about the dynamics of your relationship.

Have you asked how often and in what tone these communications are made? Has it become a daily, routine thing, or is it revolving around certain topics? Because if there is a routine, this situation indicates not just "random communication" but rather a well-established bond. In that case, it's essential to question the motivation behind this bond.

I think you should ask this: Did they fully disclose the content of these communications, or did they just say "we are communicating"? Because if you don't know the content, you can't figure out what kind of connection they are establishing. Isn't this issue being diverted somewhere else?

I'm curious about one thing: Is your partner sharing these messages with you, or did you somehow find out about the situation? Because sometimes things that aren't shared can seem like they are being "hidden," which shakes trust from a different angle. Is everything open from the start?

If your partner can't set their boundaries while communicating with your mom, could this be a signal not just about their bond with her, but also about their overall approach to relationships? I mean, not being able to say from the start, "No, this is my space, I will talk to you occasionally"... Doesn't this passive stance make you think of other things too?

Have you clarified the mother's intentions in this communication? Independent of your girlfriend, is this connection an effort on her part to establish a "control zone"? Because sometimes such matters are not initiated and directed by either party, but rather by an outside "more experienced" person. For instance, if the initiator is your mother, it would be wrong to put pressure on your girlfriend.

Is your partner playing a role in these messages like "let me ease you, keep your spirits up" towards your mother, or are they writing just to adapt completely to her? There is a significant difference between the two. The first indicates an intention to "manage" the relationship between you through your mother, while the other is just a passive approach. Which one is it?