I recently got out of a very toxic relationship. My partner constantly made me feel guilty, and it took me a long time to realize that this was not okay. But now, my self-confidence is shattered. I used to be very cheerful, but now I constantly feel inadequate. How do you think I should start taking small steps to recover? Is there anyone who has experienced this?
My girl, it's not your fault to carry so much guilt. If you were my daughter, I would sit down and tell you that in such a relationship, a person's insides rot away. Now start with little things. For example, grab a coffee and sit in the park; do something nice for yourself. Look, you are still here, and that's your strength.
'When you said, 'This is entirely your fault,' a light went on within you, and that's the moment that truly matters. I experienced the same thing. For days, I wondered, 'Is what they said true?' But as I started to pick myself up, I realized this: When someone loves you, they never make you feel this way. I think the first step is to internalize that thought.
I think you're overreacting a lot. You say "made me feel guilty," but in an argument, everyone blames the other person. Maybe they were upset too? Are you digging too deep into the matter? It's not easy to regain confidence without seeing your own mistakes.
It's not hard to see that the other party targets self-confidence in such manipulative relationships. The phrase 'It's always your fault' is already a classic technique because it makes a person doubt themselves. The most important process here is to break free from the impact of these false accusations and return to your own truth. If you constantly feel inadequate, a few therapy sessions might be a good starting point.
Thank you for the feedback. Let me add this; I actually look like a strong person from the outside, but when emotions come into play, I couldn't handle it. Even when I woke up in the morning, I would think 'what did I do wrong today?' I don't want to blame them, but what they did really shook me.
But you're still saying "I don't want to blame him" even though he hasn't hesitated to blame you. If you don't change this perspective, you won't be able to recover. This thing called self-confidence also involves saying "I'm right, buddy," regardless of what anyone else does 😅.
