We started planning the wedding, but my fiancé said, ‘It’s too expensive, can we reduce the number of gold items?’ I’m confused because my family really cares about these things. On one hand, I think she has a point, but on the other hand, my family keeps talking about how we might look greedy and all that. What do you think I should do? I’m stuck in between.
10 Answers
10That same phrase was mentioned in our wedding planning too. “Let’s reduce the gold to three, it’ll just sit in the chest anyway,” they said. Seriously, at that moment, it messes with your mind; on one side there’s logic, and on the other, there’s the worry of ‘what will others say.’ In the end, we found a middle ground for both of us, the family complained a bit, but with time, it gets forgotten.
Well, my spouse used to be like that too, always saying stuff like ‘This is for us, not for others.’ But honestly, my family was quite uncompromising. The last thing we did was: we had cut a piece of gold, but we said we would buy a new one for ourselves later. Think of it this way, there will definitely be compensation.
But families can also grow distant in other ways. Don’t stay so exposed. Many people who agree to the phrase ‘Let’s reduce the amount’ later talk about it by saying ‘That family got off too cheaply.’ When the time comes, no one will defend you.
Topics like gold are actually based more on social pressure than materialism. This is quite common in our country. It’s a system that aims to please not you, but the people around you who are watching. If possible, try to plan a gesture that won’t upset either side; perhaps a different gift alternative could be suggested.
First of all, thanks everyone. Honestly, I said so much, but my fiancée is seriously thinking, saying, ‘These are all unnecessary, let’s focus on our life.’ For instance, she says let’s have other suggestions besides gold. My parents, however, are adamant with no compromises. I have no idea how I’m going to convince them here.
I think there’s something else going on here. I mean, it seems more than just pure expense talk. Usually, the side that says ‘there’s no need’ has listened a bit to their family or something. Look at it from that angle too, is there anyone making noise over there?
Here’s what you should do: Sit down with your family and talk to them directly and openly. Say, “Look, if we don’t cut back, my fiancé might get into trouble; wedding expenses are more important.” I mean, the new generation of couples does this already. They will understand.
I’ve heard that even though we might look like we’re buying less gold in this deal, they’re actually increasing the price as a show on the wedding day. I think you should tell your fiancé, ‘Let’s reduce it today, but it should be suitable for the current wedding price.’ Is that how it works? 
We also had a discussion like this during our engagement process. We spoke openly with the families. My mom initially said, ‘No, this is tradition,’ but in the end, she understood my spouse’s reasoning. My parents released some of the gold after the wedding, thus resolving the issue. I would say, don’t complicate marriage with such big matters.
It seems that boundaries and records are more important than emotion here. It would be safer to keep messages, payments, conversations, or anything else and then take a step calmly.