Honestly, I don’t have a very warm relationship with my fiancée’s family. The other day, I had prepared a list of the wedding gifts and dowry, and my fiancée took it and sent it to her family without telling me. My mom called and asked, ‘Did you ask for too much with these?’ That’s how I found out. I didn’t know what to say; my fiancée says, ‘I shared it with good intentions,’ but this was a private matter for me. I’m really angry; how should I approach this?
I had the same thing happen to me. But mine would share everything with his family even at the engagement stage. At first, it seemed cute, but then, like you said, when it started to go into private matters, I got fed up, but by then it was too late. I would advise you to be very careful.
Did you notice this for the first time, or has it always been like this? For example, has she shared other things before the dowry list?
@camkenari actually it has happened before but it was always smaller things, generally he is very close to his family. this time he really put me in a difficult situation.
@kirmizikazak yeah but there’s also this, I think things like this are a bit normal in engagement. After all, family is involved. Giving the list is excessive, but seeing engagement as completely an individual thing is also strange.
Why did you write ‘my fiancé is bringing everything to the family’ in the title and put a dowry list example in the content? I thought it was a more general situation; it seems like you couldn’t really get to the point.
This is somewhat about setting boundaries. In a relationship, both partners are still connected to their families, but you need to point out that some things should stay between the couple. In such cases, try to have a calm conversation about where the boundaries should be. If that doesn’t work, maybe you can go together to a couple’s therapist and work on communication.
It can’t be. It was a clear boundary for me.
@aklimkaldi if you haven’t spoken up until now, they might find that natural. But if you don’t set boundaries, it will continue like this; you need to be direct.
@benbisorayim isn’t it a bit over the top? Do you really need therapy just because a list was sent to your family?