Today my fiancé went to dinner with his friends after work, whom he loves very much, but he didn't invite me. Why could he have done this? My workload has been quite heavy lately, but I'm trying to support him. This situation worries me; is he hiding something?
It happened to me too. My ex used to join group activities after work but wouldn't invite me. Later, I told them that I wanted to be there with them. For a while, things got better, but then it went back to how it was before. It's hard to understand without talking.
Do you know your friends then? Have you ever hung out together before?
@camkenari yes, I know most of them, but we've met only a few times. Usually, they were busy with their work too; this is the first time something like this is happening.
@soncaykaldi I don't think it's that simple. It's strange to be this independent from the friend group with a fiancé. This is a direct boundary issue. You've let it be that way, and now he's gotten used to it 😬
In such situations, it's better to ask your fiancée directly. Be straightforward by saying, 'Why didn't you invite me? Is there a problem?' Don't leave room for guessing and suspicion. Communication in a relationship is crucial.
if you asked this clearly, it could be resolved: 'I would like to be too, is there a reason?'. without being clear, you will just overthink it for no reason.
If I were engaged, I would take him with me, it's strange 😬
@hatconene I think you’re overreacting, everyone should have their own space. Just because you’re engaged doesn’t mean you have to go everywhere together.
Even if your fiancé didn't call you, they at least should have informed you. Was this something spontaneous, or was it planned in advance? Because if it was planned, it's really a strange oversight 😬
If it was planned, that's one thing, but even if it was spontaneous, they could have sent a message after the meal to share what was going on. Being completely left out feels insincere to me. After all, you’re engaged, not just friends.
Was it because he hasn't called the issue, or because he completely left you out without informing you? Because those are different things. The first could be a preference, the second is a communication issue. Clarify which one you're stuck on first.
If you say it's a preference just because they didn't call, it seems odd to me to completely separate it as "my space" at the engagement level. Yes, everyone will have their own space, but the common space should expand. There seems to be a somewhat overly individualistic line here.
I think the critical point is this: Do your friends know that you're engaged, and how normal is your absence perceived in that environment? Because if they have a habit of excluding you from that circle, it might not be about personal space, but could convey another message 😂
Here's another thing: Is he trying to keep the image of his friend at work separate from his fiancé outside, or is there really no intention and it's spontaneous? The two are completely different things, and it's hard to comment without understanding the reason behind the action. It won't be resolved without directly asking.
Consider this as well: If they called you and you came, would everyone act naturally in that environment? Or would they see you as a "guest"? Because sometimes, the fear of disrupting the atmosphere can be just as strong as not inviting someone at all. You need to see a clear intention.
