My girlfriend came to ask for a loan this week, and honestly, Iâm feeling a sense of insecurity. She hadnât been able to pay back previous loans, and now Iâm afraid sheâll do the same thing again. Friends, do you think this situation is normal? Iâm worried that I canât trust her anymore.
I had the same thing happen to me, I swear itâs tough. I lent money back then, and then it just became a constant request for more. If thereâs no guarantee the debt will be paid back, I think itâs better to just say no directly. It was very exhausting for me 
So what did he ask for loans for back then? Was it something vital, or were they always just small things? 
@kahvebitmeden usually the phone bill, missing money at work, etc. But honestly, they never paid me back.
You saw that this issue was like this from the beginning and kept going, and now itâs starting to sink? Itâs also easy to say âI canât trust youâ after interrupting at first.
Being overly dependent can be a serious problem, especially in relationships. You need to say no the moment you feel itâs causing you distress. If itâs a constant issue, thatâs not healthy. You might need to have a more open conversation.
@yazipsildim everyone can cut off the conversation as easily as you do. Moreover, over time, the distance grows between people with whom one has trust; things that were not initially noticeable become glaring.
I wonât give a penny.
Havenât you ever suggested creating a payment plan? I mean, even if youâre lending money, how will the repayment happen, hasnât that been discussed? You need to establish a clear system to prevent continuous requests or you just wonât lend directly.
The âletâs make a payment planâ part of this job is usually just talk. Someone who can ask for the debt isnât really worried about making a payment; theyâre just looking for an opportunity. I think we shouldnât give it directly without addressing why they want it, where itâs going, and whether itâs really necessary.
but think about this too, maybe itâs really a moment where he feels cornered? Everyone says things like âwanting without thinking,â but maybe heâs being too proud to ask anyone else? Doesnât it seem harsh to label him directly as an opportunist? 
If theyâre really cornered and intend to repay, they need to speak about it openly. Going into âI want this because itâs necessaryâ mode every time without talking is also a serious communication problem. If money canât be discussed even within a relationship, how is that relationship supposed to function?
I was stuck on the part about âif money canât be talked about even in a relationship.â Relationships are often built on things that are not talked about anyway; even if you talk about money, you canât discuss the underlying motivation. Asking for a loan is sometimes more about establishing a power dynamic than about saving your wallet. Itâs always about who is asking from whom, and why one side is always giving. Thatâs something to consider.
But sometimes people overdo the constant search for balance in a relationship. Maybe when asking for a favor, they arenât thinking about the âpower dynamicsâ or anything like that, they are just looking for a solution? Isnât it exhausting to look for a strategy behind everything? 
But how healthy is it to constantly ask the same person for solutions just because they are looking for one? Seeking balance in a relationship is not an âexaggeration,â itâs actually a kind of reflex. If one side is always providing solutions while the other is just being demanding, thatâs already an imbalance. Why donât they explore other solutions? Isnât that less exhausting?