We've been living in the same city for a while now. But sometimes, when she's going out, she doesn't let me know. When I ask, she says, 'What, are you constantly tracking me?' But I think that's a normal thing, I mean, after all, a person gets curious. However, her saying things like 'you're suffocating me' made me think. Do you think this is jealousy or is it just being overly controlling?
If my daughter is going to a place that you call your girlfriend, of course she will let you know. What you said sounds more like relationship etiquette rather than just interest. If she were my daughter, I would tell her, 'You hold on', don’t let anyone walk all over you. But if you're constantly asking the same question, then it becomes complicated.
I've experienced something similar. I was constantly wondering where they were going, and then I realized it was actually stemming from my own insecurities. My partner turned out to be sensitive, and it was when they said, 'I’m drowning,' that I noticed. Ask this: Are you uncomfortable with them leaving, or do you just want to know?
I think the main issue is this: the line between checking and being curious. If you're asking not "where he is" but "why he hasn’t let me know," that’s a communication issue. However, if the questions keep piling up, the other party might feel cornered. Evaluate the situation from this perspective.
Could you be exaggerating a bit? If you keep asking things like 'where have you gone, who are you with,' of course they'll say 'you're suffocating me.' A person shouldn't have to report every step they take. I think you should leave a little space for them; maybe then it will be clearer.
Let me add this as well, actually, as I've said, I don’t ask all the time. But for instance, if they're gone for a few hours and I happen to run into it without knowing, I ask. But they even react to that. It's like they're treating me not as their partner but as a stranger...
There is something else here. Why would the guy say 'why aren't you letting me breathe'? Every person says something when they leave, at least they say 'I'm here'. Either he thinks he's talking to someone or he has another issue in his head. I think you should just ask clearly in a conversation.
I think you need to understand this for yourself: is it control or love? Because if you push this hard, anyone would feel tense. You might not realize it, but you're interfering a bit too much in their space. It's also important to leave some space in relationships.
