Why is my girlfriend commenting on her ex's posts?

This is not normal at all.

my ex-girlfriend used to do this too. Then I noticed they had started talking again. So I don't think it's weird for you to be jealous.

So how did you notice these things? Did they comment directly in front of you, or are they stalking? 🤷‍♀️

@kahvebitmeden So, they're not supposed to be jealous? Even if they don't start talking, these comments are too intimate; I think there's a problem if someone accepts this 😬

I came across @yazipsildim on social media, they were using their own account. At first, I didn't take it seriously, but it happened 1 or 2 more times.

@aklimkaldi Then I think you should ask openly. Just say, 'What do these comments have to do with it?' There's more to magnify within.

In relationships, the traces of the past can exist, but such open interactions can be unhealthy. Clearly ask why there is a need for this, but don't be accusatory. If these kinds of things disturb you a lot, you need to clarify your own boundaries.

Why is she even following her ex's account? It all feels like just leaving a door open. Think about why this casualness exists.

Maybe they still haven't completely finished with the past. Setting aside the comments, if they continue knowing that you notice this, they either don't care or don't see the boundaries clearly. You decide which is worse.

What kind of comments are these? Are they emojis, single words, or has someone written a full sentence? Depending on the details, the intention becomes clearer. Even if it looks "normal," it's a bit interesting that it continues 🙂

Are the comments part of a shared sense of humor with an ex, or are they completely unrelated? I mean, is there something that indicates a special bond, or is it just an ordinary case of "seen it, wrote it"? Because if there is a connection, the issue is deeper.

If they've repeated it this much, they have already ceased to be just "written by an ordinary person." Even saying, "If you want to stay there, I'm focusing on my own path," is acceptable. If they are still continuing, making it clear that they are uncomfortable, what struggle is this?

You said you encountered this while using the account, but does it show such interest in its own posts as well? Or is this effort just special for the past? The difference outlines the intention.

I think the main issue here is not so much about "why it's happening," but rather, why does it seem so normal? Commenting on an ex's post is one thing, but it's another matter when they can do it comfortably in your presence. We need to examine what dynamics allow for such ease.

Maybe they're doing it thoughtlessly, like they can't realize that something that was normal in the past could be a problem now? But if instead of explaining this, they're in the "what's the big deal" mode, then there's another issue there. Just ask directly, and let a clear answer come out.

If he says, "What's wrong with this?" take a closer look: Is he as relaxed in his friend circle as well? Is talking about exes and commenting on them seen as normal there? If that's the case too, then this guy might generally have trouble establishing his boundaries. If it’s just about the past, it could be a more personal issue.

How the ex responds to the comments is also important. Is he/she being open about it, or is there a sense of distance? Because the dynamics of the situation are determined by both parties. Is it just his/her comfort, or is it a mutual exchange?

How your ex responds to comments is just as important as the frequency of these interactions. So, is it just a rare occurrence, or is there a sort of pattern? If there's a pattern, there may be unresolved old issues.

Think about it this way: Does your ex comment on their posts with the same confidence? Because one-sided comfort is one thing, but mutual energy is another. If there's hesitation on their side, it’s important to understand why your partner is so relaxed.

Interacting publicly with an ex is an entirely external engagement, and if you've noticed this, the people around him must have noticed it too. Isn't this situation concerning for him at all? If it's so obvious, he either doesn't care or is trying to prove there’s nothing to hide. Both scenarios can lead to other issues.

Here's another thing: Do these comments stand out in your ex's posts? I mean, could others see that interaction and interpret it differently? If there are outside comments suggesting "there's still something going on," have you ever wondered how your partner explains this situation? Is there still a connection in their mind, or is it something they don't care about at all?

When did you notice these comments, did they just start or have they been there from the beginning? Because if there's a "new starting" situation, then the likelihood of some action there is higher. If they've always been there and you just reacted recently, maybe they are just being casual to gauge your reaction.

So, what is the content of the comments like? Is it a joke, nostalgia, or completely unrelated stuff? Because the tone can give clues about the intent. Especially if there’s a light flirtatious vibe, it may not be casual but rather just an attempt to fill a void.

When looking at comment content, pay attention to who liked the post. Is it just your friends, or are there also people you don't know, like mutual connections with an ex? Because this situation can indicate whether your past relationships are still having a social circle effect.

Are you looking at your ex's comments? I'm not talking about how they reacted, I'm talking about the answers they give to the things directly asked. For example, do they provide detailed explanations to their questions, or do they just brush them off? Because the energy of someone wanting attention is different from someone who's in a "stuck in the past" mode. You can derive something from this.

He's commenting on his ex's posts, but how much care does he put into his posts with you? Because it's not just about the comfort he feels towards his ex, but it also reflects how much value he places on his current relationship. If he doesn't care about things related to you, the situation is even more concerning.

Putting aside their comments on the shares, what kind of interaction do they have with you on social media? Do they share anything about you, and how do they respond to your comments? Because it's easier to maintain a separate persona behind the scenes rather than establishing a balance openly in front of everyone.

If there is such a relaxed interaction with the ex, could similar situations have occurred in other past relationships? In other words, are these kinds of actions ordinary for him? If there is a constant repetition, it may be an issue of "not taking the current relationship seriously."

My partner is commenting on their ex's posts. Should I clearly talk about this situation, or should I just observe and move forward?

It's fine for the ex to comment on posts, but how is the ex responding? I mean, is this a one-sided comfort, or is there a mutual dialogue going on? Because if one is just messing around while the other stays silent, that's a different matter; if this is a communication, then it's different.

So does the ex still like these comments? If they do, that's one thing, but if they don't, that's another matter entirely. Showing comfort is one thing, while a struggle that is being ignored is quite another.

While looking at the comments, something else caught my attention: what is the tone of the comments made? Is it humorous, nostalgic, or just a straightforward statement of opinion? Because that tone can indicate whether there is an emotional connection underneath. Saying "he's just writing" and saying "there's an underlying subtext here" are very different things.

Could the answer to the question of why they comment on their ex's posts perhaps not be directly related to them? In other words, could it be for the sake of attracting attention on social media, to leave a general impression, and not just because there was a past connection? If so, take a look not only at the interactions with the ex but also with other people; is there a pattern, or is this a unique situation?

And here's the thing: when it comes to an ex, how is the communication in real life when they seem so relaxed in the comments section? Do the things they write stay at the level of social media, or do they actually talk or meet in private? Because those messages might just be the surface of a conversation that runs deeper than it appears.

Let's say they find it normal to comment on their ex's posts, but how much of this "comfort" applies to the posts about your relationship? When it comes to you, do they experience the same comfort, or do they switch to a different mode? When you put these two side by side, is there any balance left? Check that.

We also need to consider this: does the fact that they are commenting mean that the ex is comfortable with it? Or maybe this situation is uncomfortable for the other person but they are not expressing it? Could it be a one-sided comfort? This possibility didn’t come up much in the conversations.

If the comments made to the ex are clearly visible, and you can see them too, could it be a bit like a message saying "look how carefree I am" or "I have nothing to hide"? Because if the intention were truly different, maybe they wouldn’t do it in front of everyone. But on the contrary, this ease might also point to a rather careless attitude; I think you should question their sensitivity towards you.

I think there's something off about the "Look how comfortable I am" part. If they were truly comfortable, they wouldn't do it in such an obvious way; it would develop more naturally. It could also come off as somewhat defiant or like a "look, there's nothing wrong" display. Don't you think such an overt action must indicate some underlying anxiety?

Maybe he's commenting just because it's an ex, and we're putting too much meaning into it? For example, mine sometimes comments on a photo posted by a girl he used to date, saying something like, "what a beautiful picture you took," and it drives me crazy. But then I realized he does the same with other people he doesn't know. So the issue isn't the ex; it seems he just has a habit of commenting on posts. Maybe yours is something like that?

Okay, but it’s important to see not just the content of the comments but also the ex's reaction to them. For example, does he respond and prolong the conversation, or does he not even acknowledge it? Because there’s a significant difference between a one-sided action and mutual communication.

I think the timing of comments is also important. For example, are these comments being made during times when you're in conflict with each other? Because at that time, the intent may not just be to "make a comment" but could also be to send you a message.

Being openly expressive about opinions can, on one hand, convey a message of "I have nothing to hide," but on the other hand, it creates a confusing sense of familiarity. Could it be that they haven't clarified the boundaries in the previous relationship? It could also be an attempt to gauge your reaction to this situation. I think they should just ask directly and clarify matters.

Such comforts regarding past relationships often involve a type of power asymmetry. In a situation where you feel uncomfortable, their "openness" or "I have nothing to hide" stance actually means that they are centering their own comfort zone. So, if you displayed the same behavior, do you think it would be considered as "normal" and "comfortable" for them?

Perhaps comments made about an ex should be considered in a broader context. That is, the person's social media habits, their perspective on past relationships, and how they draw boundaries with their current partner... We often tend to view such things culturally as "disrespectful" or a "loyalty test." But, for instance, does this resemble a norm of "staying friends" like in the West, or is it merely a sign of comfort? Could there be a difference in "cultural codes" at play?

If your partner is commenting with their ex, and this situation bothers you, it might be worth saying something. Would they like to experience something like that?

Commenting on his ex-girlfriend aside, showcasing it on social media in such an open way is another issue. This situation might create the perception of "I still have a connection." How did you approach him, and have you really clarified the boundaries of your relationship? Sometimes people expect the other person to tolerate their seemingly non-disruptive behavior. But not everyone’s sensitivities are the same.

So why is she still seeing those comments? If she hasn't stopped following her ex's accounts, it becomes a matter of social media habit up to a point; after that, I think it's an issue of "conscious choice." People don't engage with things they don't want, habits and all that are just stories.

Commenting on an ex can be a habit or a conscious choice, agreed. But there's also this: consider how much space you still leave for this person. That is, it's not just about what they're doing, but also how much you allow them. Is it healthy to constantly monitor the account of a finished relationship and try to behave "normally" there? Is such a retrospective ease truly possible in a relationship?

It's one thing to comment on an ex, but it's strange to do it openly and still try to make it seem "normal." Either there's something behind their ease, like getting you used to it, or they're testing you. Are you sure you wouldn't actually feel uncomfortable if you did something similar to your own ex? They might be controlling you with the boundaries they've set themselves.

He is either throwing shade at his ex-girlfriend, or he still wants a reaction from her. Because commenting on someone who is in the past, and doing it so openly, is a bit like trying to get attention. Ask him, in this situation, who has the ex become?

Maybe the content in the comment is important? I mean, they might be trying to grab attention with just a plain emoji, or the message could be meant for someone else but we're seeing it through the lens of an ex. Focusing on "why are they doing this" without figuring out what they're actually saying seems incomplete.

I think it's also important how the ex responds to these comments. I mean, it's not just your partner, but the other person's reaction could also say something. Are they not writing anything? Or is there some dialogue going on from their side too? These are necessary to understand the situation more clearly 🤷‍♀️

But what's really strange is, why is there still a connection with the ex on social media? I mean, when a relationship ends, don't these kinds of things usually get cut off? Isn't it a weird situation for both the commenter and the one being commented on? 😬

The issue here is more about the social context of relationships. Such a relaxed practice regarding ex-lovers is not a culture of "staying friends with the past"; rather, it is more about the commodification of emotional labor. If there is still space being opened in a relationship that has ended, it may be because these old ties haven't been completely consumed. The question is: whose benefit does this "independence" game serve? The current partner's or the ex's? Or is a kind of power being established? Let's not overlook this.

But look, there's also this: Are the posts of this ex directly addressing your partner? I mean, sometimes people make posts in a way that hits at their exes, making it easy for them to comment. It seems like a one-sided issue, but could there be a mutual game going on there?

I think the key thing here is how your partner presents this "casual relationship" with their ex to you. Are they saying something like, "Oh, we’re just having fun, don’t worry about it," or are they brushing it off completely and treating it as no big deal? Because both their behavior and the way they legitimize it show what they are normalizing in the relationship. Question that comfort.

Are you also considering your ex's attitude towards you? They comment on your posts, but how open or secretive are they when talking about it? If they say there's nothing behind it, why behave like that? I mean, "pure ease" seems a bit unreasonable; measure how transparent they are while discussing this.

Are the comments open to everyone, or is it a situation where they're stuck in a follower loop with the ex? Because the weight of something done openly isn't the same as something done behind closed doors. Both are weird, but one seems more dangerous.

Maintaining a connection with an ex through posts is already an issue in itself, but there's also this: If these comments are visible to others, it could send a message about how they perceive you in the relationship. Is it a power play of sorts, like "look, I can still act the way I want"? Because behaviors like this sometimes serve as a form of communication not just with the ex, but also with the current partner.

Could you have been scrolling through your ex's profile? I mean, are there other interactions, likes, etc. besides the comments your partner made? Or did only these comments bother you? Sometimes the situation is much more than just the comment, like stains that won't come out with bleach.

What kind of reaction does the ex respond to these comments that stick in my mind? Do they like it, do they respond, or do they completely ignore it? Because it's not just the current partner's attitude but also the ex's that clarifies the level of "comfort" and intent in communication. If it's some kind of a habitual game, then it's being fed by both sides.

If your ex is trying to explain comments on their posts as just a habit, why aren’t those habits carrying over from the old relationship to you? I mean, why does this "easy communication" only work there, isn't yours a different dynamic? Seems more like laziness than independence.

Your ex may be used to these comments, but the real issue is, is your partner saying anything about this? I mean, if they're not explaining it with, "We've always been like this," then where does this comfort come from? It feels like there's an accumulation of dust that hasn't been swept away in between. It won't become clear without discussing it.

But does your partner ever take into account what you think or feel while making these comments? I mean, if they are ignoring your discomfort just because of the excuses of "old" and "comfort," that's a bigger problem. Have you ever talked about setting boundaries regarding past relationships?

Maybe the issue isn't the "comfort" of the ex but rather the lack of "excitement" with you? In other words, do these comments actually feed your partner's need to remind themselves of something? Just a thought.

Maybe the ex doesn't perceive this as a blatant provocation, but just accepts it as "well, it's normal." But how would they react if you made the same comment, for example? It would be good to clarify this: is it mutual comfort or just one side's bravado? Because if it's disrupting the balance, the bells must be ringing.

The first thing I should ask is: what is the tone of these comments? Is it a joke, a sincere compliment, or is there a backstory? Because sometimes the issue is not just about "making a comment," but understanding what kind of connection is being made. Take a clear look from start to finish.

Do you notice the comments while you're alongside them, or do you realize later? Is this behavior based on "hiding" or "showing"? Because the weights of something done quietly and what is openly laid on the table are different.

One also needs to consider not just how accustomed the ex is to these comments, but how much they actually need them. Is there a background expectation of "they're still interested in me"? If it's a silent agreement between both parties, then it's a bit more complex 🤭

Do you know how your ex-partner reacts to these comments? Do they just accept it as completely normal and move on, or is there some hidden interaction happening behind the scenes? Because if there’s an unspoken "invisible bond" between them and your partner, then the issue may not be just about the comments.

I wondered if the comments were public for everyone or made in a private place for the ex. Because such a relaxed behavior might also carry the intent to send a message to the surroundings. It's as if they could be putting on a show for not just the ex, but also for others, saying, "look how free and trouble-free my relationships are."

Have you thought about whether your ex replied to these comments? Is it a one-sided action, or is there a responsive dialogue happening? Because if it's mutual, that means the situation goes beyond just being a "comment."

Perhaps comments made about an ex-lover are something like "nostalgic support." In other words, it could be acting out of a sense of responsibility or habit due to a past connection. But that shouldn't keep you from hanging onto your feelings and asking, "What now?"

If the relationship with the ex is over now, why are these comments still going on? It's worth questioning why someone still feels the need to write sentences about a story that's finished. If you've ended it, act like you've ended it, right? 😮‍💨

If he is openly commenting on his ex, does he know how this makes you feel? Maybe he thinks "there’s nothing wrong with this," but if you're uncomfortable, he needs to understand whether you have this kind of boundary or not. Otherwise, he might think he’s doing something normal.

So why is your partner making these comments? Have you ever asked? Is it just a habit, are they trying to show closeness to their ex, or do they want to see if you'll react? Understanding the reason would be more appropriate.

What if your ex is misinterpreting these comments? I mean, could they be creating a perception in their mind that this is some "continuation of the old story"? Because with such a perspective, everything can become more complicated, and no matter how innocent your partner may be, they could appear differently from the outside. Have you ever considered this possibility?

Could these comments be aimed not just at an ex but also a concern to create an impression of "I'm laid-back" on social media in general? In other words, the issue might not just be about the old story, but rather an effort regarding how one is perceived from the outside. Have you tried asking yourself and figuring out what kind of impression you’re trying to leave?

Perhaps the issue is not just about making comments, but how "personal" these comments are. Is he writing about ordinary things in his ex's life, or is he touching on more special details that hold meaning between them? Because this distinction reveals his intentions more clearly. That's what we need to look at.

Have you ever looked at the tone in your own comments? Is it just a generic "you did well" or is there something more heartfelt and personal? Because the tone of the message also reveals the intention. If they’re just writing for the sake of it, that's one thing, but if it smells like a heartfelt connection, that's another matter.

Is he responding to his ex's comments, is there ongoing interaction? If he's just writing unilaterally, that's one thing; if there's mutual conversation, that's quite another. The energy there is important.

Someone who maintains such a comfortable communication with an ex-partner, where do they generally stand regarding relationship boundaries? I mean, it's necessary to consider not just this comment, but also other connections and behaviors in their life. This is one example, but could there be a broader issue of "inability to cut ties" behind it?

Is your ex also commenting on your girlfriend? If there's a mutual "normalization", it might be that not only is he unable to set boundaries between relationships, but the other side is too. If you ignore this, the issue will just prolong.

What is his ex's post, and what did he comment on it? For example, writing "enjoy" under an ordinary coffee photo isn't the same as saying "those days were so beautiful" under a photo taken on vacation. I think you should look into the details a bit; the context of the comment is important 🥲

There's another possibility: is he writing comments specifically so that there isn't a "ignoring" state between him and his ex? It’s as if the relationship is over, but he doesn't want there to be animosity, so is there an ordinary political effort to show his presence? He might not be able to completely disregard that old relationship.

The comment section for an ex-partner actually shows how one sets boundaries in their current relationship. Sure, it might be a matter of politeness, an effort to keep hostility at bay, but does that mean everyone gets treated the same way? For instance, would you comment similarly on an old friend's post as you would on a colleague's? Or is there something about that situation that feels more "special"? I believe if this comparison becomes clearer, one's intentions would emerge.

But does one really need a reason to comment on an ex's post? I mean, does he think, "what's the big deal, he must have felt like writing it"? Because if he's normalizing it to this extent, his mindset might be in a completely different place. This is what needs to be unraveled.

You say commenting on an ex may have become normalized, but this "it came from the heart" defense doesn't seem logical to me. We don't do everything that comes from within us, especially in a relationship. At some point, this doesn't feel like "freedom" but rather like carelessness. Also, does it ever say anything about your feelings, or is it aware of any discomfort regarding this situation?

It's important to look more at actions than words. If someone is aware of the discomfort but continues anyway, what does that mean? I mean, if they say "Yes, I know, but it's not a problem," isn't that a way of ignoring you? 🥲

If he’s writing something with his ex to avoid any "hostility," fine, let’s say we understand up to a point. But what matters is how this behavior impacts the boundaries of your relationship. So, for him, is keeping the old relationship slightly open a kind of comfort zone? Or does he truly have lingering feelings he’s holding onto? Without recognizing this distinction, not everything can be considered "normal."

So, did he have this kind of interaction with his ex before this? I mean, is this something that has always been part of the dynamics of his relationships, or does he only act this way in relation to his ex? If he's always shown the same attitude in his past relationships, it could be a part of his character; but if it's just specific to this person, then there might be something else going on.

It may be an instinctive thing, but another possibility is this: She might not want to completely sever the ties with her ex-boyfriend. In other words, this may not just be about "normalization," but also a slight way of leaving a door open. Let's say these comments seem vague and harmless, have you ever thought about how that ex-boyfriend responds to them? Perhaps everything he writes there is actually done with an expectation of a response.

It's also worth considering this: Could these comments be a form of "image protection" effort? You know, wanting to appear as a "good person" towards an ex, trying to leave a cool and normal impression even after the relationship ends. But the real question is: Why does this effort become more important than the relationship with you?

Wanting to appear as a "good person" to an ex is one thing, but what's really interesting is how they defend themselves when talking to you about it. I mean, even if they say it's just an "image," the way they downplay your feelings is problematic in itself, right? The issue here is just as much about the comments as it is about the value given to your emotions.

Now that we’re talking about "just an image," the question that needs to be asked is this: If there is indeed an effort to maintain this image with the ex, why? I mean, what are they really trying to sustain with that person that leads to such an effort? Is it just something done to "stay cool," or is there a deeper motivation, like wanting to keep a "good connection just in case"? I think this is worth examining.

Let me add something: Why does this detailed "image protection" effort remain specifically for the ex? I mean, does the same care apply to others as well? Or is this just a sensitivity limited to the ex, a special area? If it's only a specific situation for her, then we need to question the rationale behind it. Let's say you want to stay "good" with everyone, but how much does she care about staying "good" with you?

Maybe the issue isn't the ex, but their own ego. That is, the comfort of thinking "I’m still needed" or "I’m still being cared about." If these comments turn into a search for validation while they’re in a relationship with you, the real discomfort might lie here 😳

The question is this: Is the ex-partner indifferent to these comments, or is there some kind of interaction going on? Because if there is a mutual exchange, it goes beyond just "stay good with me" or an "image" issue. It may seem like there is still an ongoing, unresolved bond.

As much as how the ex-lover establishes a connection with these comments, it's also important whether the current partner communicates openly with you about this behavior. Are they continuing without understanding or caring at all, or are they defending this habit? Because in both cases, a different intention comes to light.

Have you ever thought about what kind of posts he comments on from his ex? I mean, does he comment on an ordinary flower photo, or something more meaningful or nostalgic? Here, the nature of those comments could be an important clue to understand where things might be headed.