My girlfriend and I share expenses, but I secretly want her to surprise me

[cokdaseyapma]

Friends, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 months. At first, he insisted on paying the bills, but for the last few months, we’ve switched to splitting everything. I don’t dislike it, but sometimes I wish he would surprise me. Do you think this is normal, or am I being too sensitive? What would you think if you were in my place?

[aklimkaldi]

I feel something off here. At first, he always paid, but why did he suddenly change that? That seems strange to me. Maybe he’s encountered a financial issue or there’s something else going on, but isn’t it a bit hard to expect him to pay for both of you and still surprise you?

[kirmizikazak]

I think you should speak directly. You can say something like, “It wouldn’t be bad if you sometimes made plans and pampered me.” Men sometimes don’t think about these things deeply; you need to be straightforward

[makarnaoncesi]

Actually, the issue of finances in relationships changes according to the dynamics of the couple. If one person wants to pay for everything at first, it indicates a more comfortable situation in the beginning, but if they later adopt a more egalitarian attitude, it may suggest that they are considering their own needs as well. It would be healthier to talk and find a common ground.

[soncaykaldi (Son Çay Kaldı)]

I think you’ve been a bit touchy about it. Splitting the bill isn’t a bad thing; in fact, I think it’s the right thing to do. If they always paid, wouldn’t you feel uneasy about it? I don’t think it’s necessary to expect a gift or anything.

[cokdaseyapma]

Actually, I’m not always focused on having him pay, friends. But for example, I expect something a bit more romantic, like a surprise or a different kind of arrangement. I’m not sure if his financial situation was good before, is he tight now, or have we just gotten used to it.

[biseydiycem]

I’m going to ask you something; have you ever said to him, ‘let it be from me today, you don’t interfere at all’? You know, maybe he has gotten used to this “half and half” thing and thinks you are happy too. Have you tried something like that?

[kahvebitmeden]

The real issue is not whether the man or the woman is paying, but the imbalance in putting in effort. Your need to be pampered is understandable, but these kinds of things shouldn’t just be about the account. I mean, making someone feel special can also be independent of material things. Of course, his behavior is just as important as what you say.