Lately, my girlfriend and I have started arguing a lot. But I noticed something: whenever we argue, it always ends with me feeling guilty. Even about things I should feel good about, she silences me by subtly saying things like 'you're overthinking.' Is this normal, or am I blowing everything out of proportion? Can I really be getting manipulated, and how can I tell?
I used to have the same "you're overthinking" phrase. Little things that make you feel wrong pile up, but by the time you realize it, it's often too late. If even when you wake up in the morning, discussions come to your mind and you feel guilty, it could really be manipulation. Think about it, what do you wake up with in your mind in the morning?
But have you thought about taking care of yourself a bit? Why does every argument always seem to be because of him? I mean, you've said that he only ends the argument, but how often do you ignite the beginning of the incident? If he says, 'You overthink things,' maybe your negative perspective feels exhausting to him.
The way to understand manipulation is usually to look at the outcomes. If you constantly feel guilty, it may indicate that something is off balance. However, it's hard to say definitively, as it's necessary to know both sides' perspectives here. Visiting a relationship therapist could be an option, as an outside viewpoint often clarifies a lot.
I've thought about it a bit more, and it seems like the discussions always start when I criticize something of his. But my criticisms aren't malicious; I'm just saying things that I think could be better. Then it turns into an argument, and I feel like I'm being naggy. I realized he has never said 'you're right.'
I think you should keep a journal. Write down how you feel after each argument and what was said. After a while, go back and look — the dynamics will become clearer. If everything is leaning in one direction, this will already be proof for you. But if you also want to show what you've written to a professional, it would be useful.
I think this is very clear. His constantly being right means that your feeling of 'I'm at fault' automatically translates to him getting what he wants. Maybe you could record a conversation? I mean, as evidence, but I'd also advise you not to go too secretive, so it doesn't blow up when you confront him.
