The other day, my aunt showed my mom a story of my girlfriend's. I really felt like my world was falling apart. I can't share my personal life around my family anymore. My dad keeps saying, 'Honey, be careful with your relationship,' and I don't understand why they're so involved.
I had a similar situation, I had posted a photo with my girlfriend on my story. My mom's friend saw it and told my mom. Then my mom was upset for two weeks. I had to lock my social media during that time 🙃
Well, when you say family, it can get messy. If you're putting it on social media, everyone will see it anyway. You talk about privacy in personal life, but then don’t share it, right?
The idea that something should be stirred before it gets mixed up is ridiculous. They can lock social media, but do they have to overlook the gossip about the aunt?
I think you can add your partner's stories to a closed list for your family. Being transparent is nice, but not with everyone; clearly, the family can't handle that 🫣
How old are you? If you're still in such a close-knit environment with your family, it would be a bit difficult anyway. Do you live separately?
@pazardandondum I'm 27 years old, but I went back to my family home during the pandemic and I'm still living with them. They can't help but get involved when they see everything.
@hatconene it might not be gossip, but I also don't understand why your aunt is showing that; what does your mom care if the girl has a boyfriend?
first move into a house without family, then speak comfortably
If we understand why she's pointing to your mother, the solution lies there. Is she just curious, or is it an attempt to please your mother? Both are silly, but intentions matter.
Could Yengen be showing off a bit? It feels like an attempt to raise herself a step higher. Isn't there something like, "When we were your age, there were no such things, everyone knew their place," for example?
Your aunt might be curious about your mother's reaction and thought, "Let me show her and see what she says." Some people thrive on such things, opening stores and enjoying making others' lives a topic of discussion. However, I think it's more important to figure out your mother's response; your aunt can't be the sole troublemaker.
Your uncle might trigger your mother's reaction and create a kind of "look, I'm caring, I'm thinking about you" vibe. Sometimes, such things are a display of power dynamics, like a competition within the family to see who is more influential or more "concerned." How much does your mother give weight to your uncle, does she listen to him, or is she more on your side? Take a look at that.
Your response is just as important as your mother's reaction. If your aunt did something like that and you remained silent or just shrugged it off with a "whatever," this behavior will continue. Have you tried saying something and setting boundaries? Look, reacting isn’t about making smart remarks; it’s about making your position clear.
Why don't you react directly to your aunt? It seems like you've been waiting for your mom to solve everything. Just speak up once, say, "my posts are private, don't interfere again," and let's see what she does. Your mom's stance will shape according to you anyway.
Let’s say you talked back to your sister-in-law, wouldn’t your mother get stuck in the middle? After all, she’s married to that woman, and it could blow up so badly that it ends up affecting you. I think it’s risky to go directly to your sister-in-law without figuring out how your mother approaches these kinds of things.
You never talked about what your uncle (your husband's side) has to do with this matter. Is he giving a silent approval, or is your aunt completely playing this game alone? Think about the triangle of uncle, mother, and you; the balances might be shaped from there as well.
It's an important point to consider whether she thinks about the influence this has on you while doing it. So, is this just an internal power struggle in the family, or is she trying to measure your reaction? Is it directly an issue with you, or is she playing through your mother? Clarifying that will make it easier to take action.
So how is it possible that your aunt knows what you shared on social media? Is it because your profile is public, or is someone showing her? Maybe it’s not about the aunt, but about someone else passing this information to her. I suggest you trace where this is coming from.
