My family has a very traditional structure and now they are trying to arrange a marriage for me with a cousin. The situation is so serious that the day they will buy gold is already set. But I have a girlfriend I’ve been with for 2 years; how do I tell her? I want to open up to my parents and stand up against them, but at the same time, as the eldest child in the house, the pressure on me is overwhelming. I’m talking to my girlfriend too; she wants them to know about our seriousness, but honestly, I’m afraid of my family’s reaction. I don’t know how to get out of this; will it be unfair to my girlfriend or is my family right?
I had a similar situation, too; my family made plans to arrange a marriage between me and my cousin when I was just 20. I flatly rejected it, because why would I let someone I don’t like into my life? My advice to you is to be clear if you love your partner. It’s like a traditional gathering, or something; you need to call them and explain that you’ve had other plans all along.
Honestly, I find the family right here. If you cancel this engagement now, and the person you call your boyfriend leaves you tomorrow, you’ll be just like your mother said, ‘You’ve gone against what the boy’s family said.’ Even if you’re serious with your boyfriend, don’t do something like this without first getting your family’s approval. After all, your family will always be there for you.
The way to solve this is actually very clear: you’re going to introduce your partner to your family. But first, psychological preparation is essential. Sit down with your mother and have a serious talk, tell her you don’t want this cousin engagement situation. Get support from your partner too; I think they should go talk to someone. But be open about it—these things don’t work if you keep them hidden. If you’re going to build a home together, everything has to be transparent.
Making that decision is really tough, you know? Like when you wake up in the morning and get that knot in your stomach when you see your mom. Or when you’re talking to your girlfriend and thinking, ‘everything will change once I step outside’… It’s so hard. But I think you also shouldn’t underestimate your girlfriend’s feelings. If I were in her place, I’d feel really worthless.
@empatik_spesifik actually, my girlfriend and my mom met once, but I said she was my ‘friend.’ Now my mom is definitely going to ask why I lied that day and stuff. My mom is really picky.
@gelenekci I don’t understand why you always think like this. Can’t a woman as an individual defend her boyfriend against her family? We are living in 2023. It’s so silly to get hung up on this. Should we let someone into our life just because our family likes them? 
I think it’s very important to maintain a calm demeanor in such matters. You shouldn’t immediately go into battle mode to convince the other party. Invite your mother for a coffee; perhaps you can establish a softer dialogue outside. Try to speak without undermining her trust; the main issue is the first impression.