Iāve been very happy with my new boyfriend for a while, but I noticed that he and my best friend are constantly messaging each other. It seems like theyāre talking about trivial things, but they message each other so often that I canāt help but feel jealous. Am I being unreasonable? If I bring this up to him, will it just look like Iām being petty? Honestly, things like this really make me suspicious. How do you think I should approach this?
5 Answers
5I think we canāt say anything definitive without talking to your boyfriend, but let me just say that sometimes we donāt think about things that might make girls jealous. If itās in his mind as something āinsignificant,ā he probably isnāt doing it to hurt you. However, if the frequency of their communication bothers you, gently bring it up; he might not even be aware of it.
To be frank, in my neighborhood, such situations have always escalated into bad places. No one tolerates too much intimacy with your closest friend. I mean, if heās your closest friend, he should also pay a bit of attention to the boundaries of the relationship; I think guys donāt tend to pay attention to this, but your close friend should also show a little care. You need to sit down and have a serious talk with both of them; this isnāt something that can progress quietly.
It seems to me that youāre being a bit too sensitive. I mean, think about the same sentence in reverse; if you were messaging your boyfriendās close friend, would you blow it up this much? If youāre just talking about āunimportant things,ā it might be turning into a trust issue for you. If you trust both of them, I think you shouldnāt pick at it so much; ask yourself a bit too, why are you feeling so jealous?
Iāll make an update; I havenāt noticed anything problematic in the correspondence. Thereās no change in her attitude towards me either, but the closeness of their friendship bothers me. You know what they say, a woman knows another woman very well ā I might not have understood my best friendās intentions, but I donāt feel completely at ease. Iām hesitant to bring it up because I think Iāll feel worse if my boyfriend says āyouāre being ridiculous.ā
Now, in situations like this, the ambiguity of boundaries usually causes problems. Is writing too much to your closest friend a need, or is it just a habit? Instead of saying āI feel uncomfortableā while talking to your partner, it would be better to explain what bothers you in the frequency of your conversations. Donāt confront directly; starting an open dialogue in a tone like āyouāre special, but Iām jealousā is less likely to put them on the defensive.