We are in our 3rd year of marriage, and my spouse keeps saying they want to have children. But I still don’t feel ready at all, even the thought of it scares me. I’m worried about not being able to handle the responsibility or getting tired of motherhood. How can I explain this to them, or should I explain it at all? Have you experienced something like this?
8 Answers
8I can say I experienced the same thing. In our 4th year of marriage, my spouse started wanting a child, but I didn’t feel ready. We literally argued about this topic day and night. I expressed my feelings clearly, and we even went to a therapist together. There, I saw that I was not alone. I think you should openly tell your partner how you feel; you both need to make the decision together.
I think you should speak directly. But without turning it into an argument or making accusations. For example, start with ‘I have concerns right now.’ You could even write down in a notebook what topics are scaring you. You can try to find solutions together.
So, I’m in university, but this is your life, your decision, I think. Having kids can’t just be because someone wants it. Take some time to find yourself, see if motherhood is for you. Why the rush?
The main issue here is that such a request was made without your consent. Child responsibility isn’t something that depends solely on one person’s readiness. You should be able to say no, and you need to defend that right.
Honestly, these concerns are very normal. Having children is a huge responsibility, and not everyone is ready at the same time. As you get older, your decisions may also change. Instead of worrying about it now, you can try to make peace with these feelings.
Couples therapy is generally very helpful in such situations. Sometimes the unwilling partner may not even be aware of the root cause of the issue. Talking to a professional who can understand both you and your spouse might be beneficial.
Thank you so much, friends. I talked to my spouse last night and told them that I feel scared and not ready. They seemed to understand me, but they still bring up children occasionally. Maybe we could consider seeing a therapist, what do you think?
Sweetheart, having a child is certainly a big responsibility, but you can’t keep putting it off. Children are not only a responsibility but also the greatest source of happiness in life. Try to find a common solution with your partner, but don’t be so afraid.