My spouse just started a new job and is constantly talking to a female colleague. They message each other late into the night under the pretense of work. When I asked directly, they said, ‘we’re talking about work,’ but their closeness has started to make me uncomfortable. Do you think it’s normal for them to be this close, or are alarm bells ringing?
6 Answers
6I think it’s normal for you to be bothered. Just think about it, messaging until late at night—even if it’s for work—is kind of weird. If my boyfriend did something like that, it would lead to an argument right away. But on the other hand, sometimes such things happen in a work environment. Did you clearly set your boundaries with him?
Late-night work conversations can happen, but if they become a constant, they can damage the trust in your relationship. When discussing topics you find insincere with your partner, try to express yourself clearly and without judgment. If this situation is happening frequently, you might consider seeking support from a specialist, such as a couples therapist.
Now it’s time to figure out exactly what is bothering you. Have you looked at the message contents or did something suspicious come to your mind? If they’re only talking about work and you don’t sense anything extra, is it right to limit them? After all, it can be hard for everyone to stay professional in a work environment.
I want to add that this woman has been talking about some personal topics with my friend as well. For example, she has given suggestions for TV shows and so on. My spouse says, ‘We’re just talking as friends,’ but I’m not comfortable with it at all.
But I think that series suggestion is actually just an excuse to get closer. It’s not hard to understand women’s intentions, right? It’s honestly not very normal for her to constantly text under the pretext of work. If they are discussing something secret, maybe you should take it seriously 
It would be beneficial to talk to your partner clearly again about the situation. If they still refer to it as ‘friendship,’ ask them to clarify their boundaries. For instance, you could say that after a certain hour at night, they should take a break from work conversations. If you tell them to cut off communication with that woman directly, it might backfire.