The manager keeps subtly hinting at something, and I've understood that they mean something special. They might also be talking behind my back. It crosses my mind to report it to HR, but I have no proof. Do you think it would be right to set a boundary, or should I signal to HR?
I experienced something similar; honestly, I just went straight and set my boundary. There's no need to get into such delicate matters. If it continues after you warn them, you can always escalate it to HR, but I'd suggest asking about their attitude first 🙂
It's that 'subtle hint' that drives a person crazy. I called the boss and said, 'What exactly are you implying? Can you speak more clearly?' The guy was taken aback. Being direct about your line is the easiest; these things just get worse when they drag on 🙂
But how did you realize that they were talking behind your back? Without proof, it can come across as a bit like "everything is piling on me" from the HR side. Maybe it’s just something that totally makes you feel that way. Wouldn't it be better to try to solve it directly with them?
The main issue from an HR perspective is not proof, but the impact of the situation on the work environment. If the behavior that bothers you affects your job performance, you need to report it in writing. However, if you first try to talk to that person face-to-face and show that you're working towards a resolution, HR will see this as a more responsible step.
Let me add this, if it were just small things I wouldn't mind, but there is clearly something personal at play. Once they also said, 'Those who don't adapt to the habits here can't stay long.' So it feels like they are clearly targeting me.
This phrase "adhere to these habits" came across as quite a passive-aggressive threat. It's very clear; I think you should sit down with them and say, "What you said bothered me." People who can’t explain their own words usually back off.
