Have you ever received a small gift with the words “I really like this, I thought you might like it too” only to feel like they were actually belittling your taste? Like it was as if you didn’t have your own style and theirs was somehow superior. I think this is the most passive form of manipulation.
Have you ever had someone interrupt you while you’re talking about something, constantly saying, “But it didn’t happen like that, I was there” to correct what you’re saying? You know, those types who get hung up on details just to make you look incomplete and miss the main point? It’s really frustrating.
Have you ever had someone try to put you in a contradiction by saying something like, “Now you’re saying this, but you said it this way before” when you express your opinion on something? After all, people don’t live their lives calculating every word they’ve said in the past; this action feels extremely unnecessary.
Have you ever had someone praise you in front of others, only to complain about you to them when you weren’t around? I mean, sweet to your face, yet two-facedly critical behind your back. I think this is the real poison.
Have you ever had someone say, “If I were you, I wouldn’t do it that way” while trying to make you feel inadequate in a passive-aggressive way? People who try to assert superiority by positioning themselves as a reference point instead of criticizing directly are really annoying. What’s even more irritating is when they do this with a fake smile on their face.
Have you ever been deliberately silenced by someone on a topic? For example, when you want to say something, they might close the conversation with a phrase like “It would be more appropriate not to discuss this here” to try and invalidate you. This annoys me the most; it makes me feel as if my voice has been cut off.
Have you ever had someone say to you while explaining something, “But you must have misunderstood, it’s actually like this” questioning your perception? As if you can’t analyze situations correctly and their “real” version should be taken as the basis. I think this is a serious form of manipulation.
Have you ever had someone around you downplay your achievements by saying things like “Oh, they only succeeded because of their mom/dad/genetics”? It’s as if they create an impression that you didn’t actually work that hard and it just happened due to luck. I really feel uncomfortable when I notice this.
Has there ever been a time when someone directly brought up something about your family, presenting it as a simple detail, but actually putting you in a difficult position? I mean, behaving as if the topic isn’t related to you while targeting you. That feels sneakier to me.
Have you ever had someone try to draw you into a situation while you wanted to stay out of it? Like with comments such as, “You know better; you decide,” passing off the responsibility, only to then point the finger at you when things go wrong? That seems like a subtle tactic to me.
Have you ever had someone try to push you out by saying “You’re so busy, you don’t have time to deal with this” while you were doing something? It seems like they’re concerned about you, but in reality, they’re excluding you from the decision-making process. When I realized this, I was really annoyed.
Has anyone ever pretended to praise you in front of others by using your name, only to load that praise onto you as an expectation? For example, saying “Someone like you can solve this right away,” creating a situation that makes you feel obligated while also making it seem like you will fail if you don’t do it. I think this is a subtle form of pressure.
Have you ever received a message from your child like, “If your mom paid a little more attention, look how beautiful it would be”? They criticize you while trying to undermine your authority in front of the child. It happened to me, so I know.
Have you ever been forced to make a tough decision? But not directly, more subtly. For example, saying “Well, you know best, after all it’s your life” while actually leaving you alone. I think this also adds another psychological burden.
Have you ever had someone say things like, “But that’s a bit of an impulsive approach” when you clearly expressed your opinions, trying to portray you as unreasonable or emotional? It seems to me that there’s always an underlying message in such an attitude that suggests you are not thinking correctly. It’s really disturbing.
Have you ever been talked about by someone when you’re around, as if they’re complaining about you but not mentioning your name directly? For example, saying things like “Some people do that, they just don’t know”. It’s not quite about you directly, but they hint at you, turning the whole environment against you. This seems more passive-aggressive to me.
Have you ever had someone pretend to praise you while adding something that belittles you afterward? Like saying, “They’re very successful, but sometimes they just do their own thing too much.” It’s like trying to make you look good while also trying to leave an impression of inadequacy in the eyes of others. I think this is a pretty draining tactic.
Have you ever had someone act like they were consulting you about your thoughts or actions by saying, “I thought this way, but you know better, what do you think?” in order to undermine your opinion? It’s as if they appear to be dependent on your support while actually trying to validate their own opinion. It’s a very sneaky tactic.
Have you ever been criticized about something completely unrelated, and then that criticism was used as an example for someone else? For instance, while talking to you, they might say, “I wish you would be a bit more careful about this,” and then later mention to someone else, “Some people do this, and then we have to deal with it.” They are actually indirectly setting the stage for a bigger discussion.
Have you ever had someone defend your decision or preference in front of others by saying something like “But that’s what he/she wants, we can’t say anything of course,” while actually portraying you as capricious or dominant? It feels like a situation where they pull themselves to the innocent side and leave you alone, and this sounds very familiar to me.