I got a new job offer and was going to talk to my boss about my salary expectations. I asked my girlfriend, and she said, 'you're not worth that much anyway.' It really brought me down. Do you think she's being realistic or condescending? What would you do?
I've experienced something like this... In my first job interview, my boyfriend said, "you're unlikely to get that salary with your experience." I went to the interview with the number he mentioned in my head for two days, and they offered me even less. I later learned that if employers see your expectations as low, they'll make a lower offer. So instead of supporting, that kind of advice can actually be harmful.
So are you sure you've set your salary expectations correctly? I mean, your partner's style might be off, but maybe they looked at it from a different perspective. Did you really ask for something significantly above the market? We should consider this side of things too.
Salary negotiation is a very sensitive matter. When I spoke with someone from HR, they told me to "never downplay your own expectations." That's why it’s not a good idea to share your thoughts with someone like your partner who might demotivate you. When giving a number in salary negotiations, do your market research and be clear. But I wouldn't expect this kind of advice from your partner.
I also want to add this: I actually set the salary based on the market average. So I wasn't overly ambitious. The job posting already stated '10-12K', and I was thinking 11. But my girlfriend said you can hardly get even 9K. To be honest, I couldn't figure out if HR was being indifferent or if they were looking down on me.
If I were you, I would have felt the same way. My ex-boyfriend said, 'Who would pay you that much?' I went to the interview feeling down. I got hired, but the salary was less than I expected. I think showing confidence really makes a difference; I've learned that.
I need to clarify what your partner's intention is a bit more here. Because it sounds like you're saying they wanted to hurt you, but maybe they were just trying to give a realistic idea in a harsh way. Did you ever ask them "why did you say that" when you were speaking? Or did it just instantly bring you down?
The main issue for me here is this: Do you think your partner believes in your abilities or your potential in general? Because sometimes people think they are being reasonable according to their own perspective, but this can have a devastating effect on you. If they constantly see you as less, maybe there’s a dynamic where you feel less valuable around them. If these kinds of things happen not just once, but frequently, I suggest looking at it from a broader perspective.
