My girlfriend has been secretly messaging her ex for a while. She is still in contact with him on social media. I saw it by chance. Sometimes she keeps texting while Iâm right next to her. This is driving me crazy, but I donât want to break up. How do you think I should handle this situation?
No way. How are you swallowing this?
Mine was like that for a while too, always messaging⊠in the end, I found out he was talking to his ex. I went out and asked him directly, of course, he denied it. But it was already too late.
How long have you been messaging? Is this something ongoing or did you just notice it?
Well, honestly, if theyâre constantly messaging while youâre next to them, thereâs either a lack of good intentions or theyâre not being serious. If you let this slide, itâs definitely going to go downhill. Donât you say anything in the meantime?
@hatconene youâre right actually, I mentioned once that Iâm uncomfortable, but they said âyouâre just overreacting, weâre just talking business.â I donât know how true that is.
@aklimkaldi A person who talks about work doesnât message secretly. If they canât show you, it means thereâs something fishy going on.
just say directly: âIâm feeling uncomfortable, I want you to be transparent about this issue.â see the reaction. I think if theyâre hiding something, the situation is shady.
this is not normal. complete transparency should be maintained in the relationship.
Everyone says âtalk, be transparentâ and all that, but itâs the other side that crossed the line here. I think this conversation might have gone beyond talking a long time ago. I would end it.
I think you should observe the constant messaging for a while. But if they are glued to their phone when youâre around, thatâs a clear signal. If they can pick up the phone and talk directly, the âworkâ aspect might make sense, so pay attention to that too.
Do you get any hints about the content or timing of the messages? Does it create a constant urgency or a certain intensity according to what you call work? I think you can understand it based on these details.
If itâs business messaging, then you need to see a responsibility or a result. While you are there, what is being solved or progressed with that phone? If they are just exchanging messages, then it doesnât seem very credible that itâs âbusiness.â
The messaging style is also important; is it straightforward business talk or are there jokes, emojis, and so on in between? If the matter is serious, why are they messaging so frequently, or is it just casual chit-chat? Letâs clarify that.
When it comes to the âwhat is he/she doingâ conversations, how do you react when the messages become more frequent? Do you get tense, act cold, or become more sincere? Perhaps things could be shaped by your approach; have you ever thought about that?
Since so much work is being discussed, why arenât they starting meetings or solving it through emails? Constantly messaging feels like a strange choice; it seems more like a habit than work.
Have you tried directly saying to this person, âWhatâs the big deal that you have to write so often, if I understood it I wouldnât dieâ? Maybe with a clear reaction, your stance towards the situation will become more defined. They might be continuing easily because youâre staying silent.
Have you ever asked someone if they want details when they say âItâs all workâ? When you bring something like this up, do they get defensive, or do they explain comfortably? I think the tone of communication is just as decisive as the seriousness of the issue.
Do you ever react subtly when you get a message while youâre with someone? Like, sulking or creating a tense atmosphere⊠Your partner might sometimes feel uncomfortable with these kinds of passive reactions and start to hide it even more. Consider whether showing your reaction in a different way might help.
I think if thereâs this much workload, we need to dig a little deeper into the job details. What is the industry, and what is the position? Because some jobs might require constant communication, while others canât handle that much traffic at all. For example, if it were an architect, Iâd be more relaxed, but if it were a combination like âinterior designer + frequent messages + emojis,â Iâd pay more attention.