I've been with my girlfriend for a year now, but now it feels like anything I wear or anyone I talk to becomes a problem. At first, it seemed like a sign of love, but I’m starting to feel suffocated. She constantly says things like "are you trying to fool me?" Is this normal, or am I experiencing manipulation? Do you think I should put a stop to this?
If being asked so many questions for a year was really overwhelming, that's tough. It started like that in my last relationship too; first, they would say 'who are you hanging out with,' and then it turned into 'why didn't you respond.' This feels more like control than love. That 'are you trying to deceive me' comment can seriously drive a person to paranoia.
This kind of constant skepticism may actually be related to the partner's own insecurity. It's important to distinguish jealousy from control. Jealousy can occur occasionally and at a reasonable level, while control becomes a repetitive and exhausting cycle. If you find it difficult to set a boundary, you can seek support from a relationship therapist.
But to be honest, maybe without realizing it, your actions might also be triggering some things? For instance, at first, you might have felt at ease saying 'he/she is doing this out of love.' So, not setting boundaries at the beginning might have some influence on this. Now, saying 'stop' feels much harder for you.
At first, he didn't push too much. It started about three or four months later. That's exactly the point; at first, jealousy felt like love, but then it turned into everything. Even when I go out, he often asks me via text, 'Where are you?'
For example, the going-out situation: Do you say the name of the person you're hanging out with when they ask? Also, do these things you say become more vocal or are they more in writing? Because there are people who only control others through messaging too. Maybe you can change the dynamic there.
Ah my beautiful girl, if you are going to drown because of someone else's love, then that isn't love. No one can constantly question you with 'where are you, who are you?' If you were my daughter, I would say, first have an honest conversation, and if it’s still the same, then don't continue that relationship.
