I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year, but she’s still very close to her ex-girlfriend. They literally sit and message each other for hours. She keeps telling me ‘that’s different, don’t get worked up about my childhood friend,’ but I don’t feel comfortable at all. Do you think this is normal? Am I being overly jealous, or should there be some boundaries?
8 Answers
8I experienced the same thing; they said he was a childhood friend, but then other things came up. Even if their relationship doesn’t indicate any abnormality, they never consider the impact it has on the other person. At that time, I clearly stated, ‘either give me emotional priority, or everyone goes their own way.’ It needs to be clear.
I think we should directly address this issue and set a clear boundary. Referring to you as a ‘childhood friend’ and brushing it off shows that they underestimate your discomfort regarding this matter. Talk about it maturely, but if you make it sound like an ultimatum, it might backfire 
I swear, I can’t handle this. It’s already a problem for me to chat for hours with another woman in my relationship. How is this going to change if it leads to marriage? Society isn’t open to such things anyway; think about your own daughter, would you want this to happen to her?
Actually, this is a very common situation. You’ve built a bond over many years with someone you call a childhood friend; it’s not easy to just cut them off. But the main issue is this: if they are ignoring your discomfort, that’s where the problem lies. They may not be completely ill-intentioned, but if they aren’t listening to you, then something is wrong from the start.
As a man, I’d say that sometimes we perceive these kinds of connections as normal and don’t think about how the other person might interpret them. The guy’s intention might not necessarily be bad, but his way of expressing himself could be lacking. Still, after chatting for such a long time, he should show some sensitivity.
But if it’s a childhood friend, your partner has probably known them for a long time and can’t be doing anything bad. I think childhood friends are basically like siblings anyway. So you don’t have to worry too much about it, in my opinion.
Let me add this as well, actually, he is very caring at other times. When there’s a problem, he’s there and supportive. But when he’s chatting with his ex-girlfriend, it’s like he’s going to another world; he doesn’t respond to my messages or anything. So, this detachment is also what drives me crazy.
But I will ask the subject; have you ever met that girl? I wonder if the issue is that you’re not handling this situation comfortably, or is it that girl really negatively influencing your partner? I think it might be wrong to jump to conclusions without fully understanding their dynamic first.