I don’t expect to spend hours messaging every day when I’ve only just started seeing someone, but it confuses me when the communication is really intense one day and then completely drops off for several days. Of course, people can be busy; still, is it reasonable to expect a quick heads-up, or am I reading too much into things too soon?
Honestly, that kind of up-and-down would be exhausting.
I don’t think the measure here is how many messages you get every day. Not being able to reply for a day is one thing; repeatedly disappearing and then coming back as if nothing happened is another. If they let you know in advance on days when they’re busy with work, that shows they’re trying to meet your expectations; but it’s too soon to turn that into a rule that everyone should message at the same frequency. Asking them directly what’s confusing you will give you more information.
@tamamda, I think the issue is more the inconsistency than the number of messages. Sometimes they start the conversation themselves, then go quiet for a few days. In a situation like that, is it better to say what I expect, or to think that our communication styles don't match?
When you say a few days, is there a plan you’ve already discussed or an important question left unanswered between you? Or does the conversation just naturally fizzle out? That detail would change my view.
