I received a new job offer that pays 40% more than my current one, but I would have to move. While negotiating, I set a higher number for myself, but my partner said, "They won't offer you that much, you're stressing out for nothing." I really got my spirits down. Do you think I'm dreaming too much or is it strange that they're not supportive?
This situation feels very familiar to me. My ex once did the same thing; after a job interview, she said, 'They won't give you that salary,' and I got really cold towards her. Maybe she doesn't know how to offer support without realizing it, but it's still strange, of course.
I think this is quite a decisive event in the relationship. You're literally moving, starting a new chapter, and they should be there with you. Even if they're thinking negatively, a person should still make you feel supported. It's just strange for them to bring you down directly 😬
But it could also be like this; maybe they spoke like that because they didn't want you to be directly disappointed? Perhaps they didn't want to motivate you too much, and then if nothing happens, they didn't want you to be upset. But of course, the way they expressed it was not good.
In relationships, sometimes people communicate based on their own perception of assurance. Here, you might think that your partner's imagination or risk tolerance could be different from yours. However, this could have been expressed in a more constructive manner rather than demoralizing. Perhaps you could discuss your expectations of them concerning your self-confidence.
I actually have always liked his logical side, but I think he can still provide support and encouragement even while thinking like this. Also, the salary isn't that unrealistic, the company is already looking for someone in that range 🙄
The main issue here is not about not asking for your salary, but trusting in the skills you have to earn that salary. Put your partner aside, and negotiate firmly with the company by saying, 'this figure is acceptable for me.' Have confidence in yourself, okay?
'They won’t pay you that much, you’re just wasting your time,' at that moment I would say 'could you explain why?' I mean, if you had explained a bit, maybe there’s some logic running in your head?
But don't salaries vary according to the company budget? So maybe if very few people actually work at that level, they might not give it to you, I don't know. Of course, what I know could be wrong, but that's how I've always read it.
I think everyone judges their partner too much, but you can also make mistakes by always assuming you feel right. Maybe that salary really is too high, and you might be making a decision to move for nothing. So, for example, is the figure that was presented the same as the one discussed? Have you checked these things clearly?
