I’m stressed out by my crush following their ex on social media. I don’t know how to get over such an obvious situation. Above all, I want to think that it doesn’t mean anything to me that they’re following them, but I can’t help but wonder how they consider my feelings in this situation.
I’ve been through this too. He was following his ex, but once it got to the point of commenting on her stories, I just asked directly. I said, ‘What’s the deal? Why are you still involved with her?’ He got a bit tense, but he let it go. I mean, I can’t just let it slide without asking.
So why is he following on Instagram? Does he only comment or does it go as far as DMing? It makes a difference.
@pazarkurdu there’s no such thing as dming for now. but they’ve made a comment on the story like ‘hahaha I remembered this.’ I find it meaningless.
You’re saying for now, but you’re still uneasy and haven’t said anything. I think if you leave it like this, it will get even worse. Speak openly.
I checked the headline, it’s fine up to the “it’s stressing me out” parts, but you’ve repeated the feeling twice in between. Just ask directly, “Are you going to stop following?”
I think it’s important to not interrupt even if you’re in the flirting stage. The ex-relationship dynamic is always a sensitive topic. Mutual understanding is needed here. It would be good to directly share your discomfort. It might be completely meaningless from their perspective, but they need to know your perception.
No way, that would really bother me, I would just say get out.
I think the issue is in the content of the comment. “Haha, I remembered this,” they say, and if you allow that, they might feel comfortable about their past relationship with you. This is actually a clue. It seems like you’re testing their boundary without expressing your discomfort. If you’re thinking of clarifying things, you need to ask directly first; otherwise, this ‘for now’ part will keep spinning around in your head.
I think the “for now” part already creates a state of being on alert for you. Your comment may seem light, but what will you do if it becomes something that bothers you as it occurs more frequently? You need to understand whether this is a one-time thing or a regular communication attempt.
“Hahaha, I remembered this” — what do you think the purpose of such a comment could be? I mean, is it really about sharing a memory, or is it an attempt to draw attention? It’s hard to understand the old relationship dynamics without discussing them; I think you need to ask why they commented.
Regardless of what the intention behind the comment is, the main issue is this: your partner does not feel the need to set a boundary around it. Even if you react and they say “you’re exaggerating,” leaving that comment in a potentially eraseable context is a deliberate act. If you feel uncomfortable, it means there is a gap there.
You say “for now” here, but if there’s no problem from their perspective, when will this situation end? You’re getting comments from your ex, they’re comfortable, and you’re bothered. Have you ever thought about how this imbalance will continue in the relationship?