Recently, my boyfriend and I have started struggling with privacy. When I say no to some things, he mocks me or gives sulky reactions. He says things like 'Everyone does it.' Do you think it's better to be open about it, or should I stay calm and distance myself? Or are these kinds of behaviors really normal?
My daughter, the boyfriend you're talking
I think you need to sit down calmly and clearly explain why you are bothered. But if they persist in not understanding, reconsider the relationship. Because these things are never resolved with the phrase 'everyone is doing it.'
Let's talk openly now, do you come off as sarcastic or harsh when you say no? Perhaps that could be one reason why things get so tense. When you react strongly, the other person can become sensitive too.
It seems that a completely secure relationship dynamic has not yet been established. Insistence or contempt constitutes a violation of psychological boundaries. If you cannot calmly resolve this situation, it would be healthy for you to seek support from a family therapist or couples counselor.
Actually, I'm usually calm, but sometimes I react strongly because discussions go on for too long. It feels like I'm unable to protect my boundaries... I told him this, but he says, 'You're making a big deal out of it.'
Privacy is your right. Someone who tells you "everyone is doing it" is trying to control you by leveraging societal pressure rather than recognizing you as an individual. This is not a strong behavior; they want to suppress you. This is a serious warning.
