I’m trying to start a new relationship with the person I’m flirting with, but I constantly have doubts within me. I don’t know if it’s because of what I’ve experienced in the past, but feeling this indecisive bothers me. Is this normal, or how can I overcome it?
I don’t think it’s normal.
I felt the same things in my time too. I had a hard time starting because of trust issues, but then I opened up. It depends a bit on the other person.
So, is this hesitation partly due to that? Has he ever given you any trust?
@yazipsildim it’s not really distrust, but rather it feels like there’s a deficiency in the current relationship. I can’t quite describe it.
@aklimkaldi then name what you’re feeling is missing, that’s my suggestion. Starting with someone and feeling uneasy is definitely not healthy at all.
Traumas from the past and confusion can lead to such indecisiveness. But if inner unrest persists, it may be necessary to seek support. I wish you could explore the reasons behind your emotions a bit more.
Take a moment to look at yourself and him; if you’re still in doubt, I think you shouldn’t continue. If there’s an energy disruption, it won’t get better.
Try to get to know him better before making a definite decision. Maybe there are things you misunderstood.
It’s natural to have doubts, but you need to find out why. Is the inadequacy you’re talking about related to your expectations or to their behavior? It would be hasty to decide without clarifying that.
The feeling of incompleteness can sometimes stem from starting a relationship at the wrong time. Were you both really ready? Sometimes, things entered into in haste can create problems before they’ve even settled.
Feeling inadequate can sometimes be due to differences in habit, not just incompatibility. Do you feel relaxed when you spend time with them, or is there a role involved? Check it out.
Maybe what you call a deficiency is the existence of an “ideal” in your mind about relationships, which doesn’t match with reality? Are your expectations too high, or do you feel justified in what you think? That’s something to differentiate. Because a sense of deficiency doesn’t always mean there’s a big problem.
I think the question “why now?” is just as important as the part about lack or hesitation. You were really excited before starting the relationship, let’s say yes, but why do you feel differently now? Is there something not coming from them, or do you have a withdrawal yourself? These need to be distinguished.
It’s a bit pointless to ask, “Is hesitation natural?” without fully understanding what is lacking. Is the problem a lack of something, or is it hesitation? You might be mixing the two up. Clarify one.
Is it hesitation or a lack? Generalizing as “natural” without distinguishing seems a bit like an escape. Maybe this thing you’re calling “lack” is not incompatibility but rather indifference? Two different things. Look for passion on the other side, I think.
Sometimes hesitation is not a feeling, but an intuition. To understand whether what you call a deficiency is temporary or a fundamental incompatibility, try to put some distance between you. How will you feel from afar is important.
When you say “lack,” is there something concrete or is it just a general feeling? It’s hard to find a solution without making this distinction. If you mean feeling, then give it a bit more time; if you mean something concrete, holding onto it without opening up to the other party will only make the issue bigger. Question both ends.
Maybe the feeling of inadequacy is a reflection of your own emotional state. In other words, you might need to question your own mood at that moment rather than the relationship. It seems hasty to say “there’s something wrong” before clarifying whether there’s chemistry or not.
While questioning the lack, ask yourself this fundamental question: Did you start this relationship because you truly wanted to, or was it out of a feeling of “it’s time”? Because if it’s the latter, then your doubts aren’t natural, they’re justified.