I learned about some troubling memories of my daughter’s friend’s past that she met at school. I have no trust in this matter, but my daughter says she loves her very much. Should I question their relationship? Is this a normal behavior? Is it healthier to let her make her own decisions or to warn her?
I think he/she should be very careful.
one of my childhood friends was like this too. my mom always warned me, I didn’t pay much attention but in the end, she was right. being a little distant is better.
What do you mean by the troubled past? Is it theft, bad habits? It’s hard to say anything without clarification.
@yazipsildim has had serious problems with a relative in the past; I don’t know exactly what happened, but it seems like there are some bad things involved.
@aklimkaldi then why put pressure on the girl without saying something definitive? Maybe it’s an exaggerated event.
Relationships among children are sensitive. I don’t think you should directly intervene in their relationship, but try to avoid leaving your child alone. You can remain an observer without discussing the past too much.
every child makes mistakes. I think don’t dwell on it too much.
Is it healthy to directly impose prejudice on that child when there is so little information about the troubled past? Consider this possibility while warning your daughter, or your attitude may have a greater impact. Distinguish first between your own paranoia and reality.
If the incident from the past is truly a serious issue, does the school administration know about it? If everyone is quietly watching, then we shouldn’t exaggerate the magnitude of the situation. But on the other hand, it’s important for the child to feel safe in the environment; being a bit distant but patient might be the best approach.
Isn’t it unfair to another child’s life to act on mere hearsay without knowing exactly what you refer to as this child’s “troubled past”? If you have something more concrete, try talking directly to the teachers to understand the situation, rather than just imagining it.
Isn’t putting distance between the child and others without knowing the details of this “troubled past” you mentioned, or learning from someone else, automatically stigmatizing? What if that past event isn’t the child’s fault? Do you think it’s right to act based on such vague information?
If you fill your child with negative thoughts without properly knowing the details of the situation, it will be harder to repair that dialogue later. Also, question who you heard what from, as the information seems unreliable. Sometimes, for problems between children, the best approach is to not contribute anything at all.
Is it sensible to talk directly to your child about this topic if the information isn’t clear? Perhaps what they hear from you will affect them more and cause them to exaggerate the situation. Is that friend creating problems for your child, or for others? It’s better to see this to guide them more accurately.
The “troubled past” aspect of the situation is just as important as how you currently observe the children’s relationship. If you can’t clearly see the dynamics between them, making assumptions based solely on the past can be risky. Is there really a problem or a sign of discomfort now? Or is it just your concern? Maybe it would be better to focus more on understanding the situation.
"What you call a ‘troubled past’ — what does it mean for a child of that age? Are you sure about that? Is it really as the adults label it, or is it an exaggerated issue? Try to look at it from your child’s perspective; children generally do not err in their feelings.
I’m not going to say to stop talking about the child’s past, but first, talk to the places where you can get information about that past, not with your child. If there is something concrete, you’ll understand it there; otherwise, overly intervening in children’s friendships does more harm than good.
I think it’s healthier to let the child choose their friends, but it’s also important to consider this: Have you noticed any changes in their behavior or signs of unhappiness when they are with that friend? If there are any signs of discomfort, that falls within your control.
Your starting point changes depending on who you heard it from. If you haven’t heard it directly from the children, getting involved in the adult gossip about children creates a misleading direction. The two exist in different dimensions.
Is there really tension among the kids right now with that friend, or has a distance started because of what you’ve heard? Sometimes, kids may feel different things than the meanings we attach to them. If there’s no clear problem, it’s better to let their relationships be natural.