Last week I was with my boyfriend for the first time, but I really have a huge mess in my head. Everything developed so quickly, and I wasn’t unwilling, but we didn’t talk openly. Does this count as consent? Or did I feel some kind of pressure deep down and I’m not sure? If I ask him about this, will he misunderstand? What do you think I should do?
8 Answers
8It felt very familiar to me; I experienced something similar with my first girlfriend in college. In the moment, I went with the flow, but later I thought about it and asked myself, ‘Did we even talk?’ After that, we sat down and talked, and it felt much better. I think you should first ask yourself how you feel, and then don’t be afraid to talk.
My daughter, you can’t avoid talking about things like this openly. If she were my daughter, I wouldn’t want her to go through a confusing situation. Consent should be clear, and everyone should know it. I think you should try to understand what you feel before asking her.
I don’t think it was just consent. You say everything developed very quickly; you didn’t want it, but you felt mixed up. Was it completely your decision, or did they want it more? It’s clear that things here aren’t entirely clear.
From a man’s perspective, sometimes when girls don’t say something clearly, we think of it as a ‘yes.’ But I don’t think there’s any bad intention in this, it’s more about a lack of communication. She may not even realize that you’re confused; if you tell her, I don’t think she would be very surprised.
To speak frankly, you’re to blame here too. If you weren’t clear-headed, why didn’t you stop there? These things happen when both sides are clear. Now don’t confuse his mind, first sort out your own feelings.
Psychological consent refers to the individual’s feeling completely at ease mentally and emotionally. If you have doubts in your mind, it may indicate that you haven’t fully secured that consent. Speaking honestly is the best approach, as failing to do so may lead to negative feelings in the long run.
Actually, I’ve thought a lot about it, but my mind keeps going in circles. He didn’t say anything either, so I didn’t dwell on it. But there’s this weird feeling inside me; it’s like I said ‘okay,’ but it feels like I’ve unintentionally let go of control. I got caught up wondering if it would be unnecessary to tell him.
No, it wouldn’t be unnecessary. Many couples go on with misunderstandings like this, and then there ends up being distance. Talking it out can resolve it. But remember, the moment you feel that weirdness inside you, you could have stopped. Don’t let it linger in your mind later as ‘did I decide this myself, or did they pressure me.’ If you don’t talk now, it might grow later.