The other day, I was sitting outside with my date, but they just couldn’t seem to relax in the open air. They kept choosing enclosed spaces and constantly said, “this is better.” I think there’s something bothering them, but they can’t explain it. How can I understand what it is?
I think it could be an open-air phobia, the exact opposite, in fact.
I read somewhere that they find enclosed spaces comfortable because there’s too much oxygen outside and stuff. They said it confuses the mind.
@kahvebitmeden what kind of logic is this? Does too much oxygen cause discomfort? You’ve read something wrong.
@biseydiycem but it wasn’t too crowded when I said open space. I wondered if there could be another reason behind it.
It could be a phobia or discomfort, but I think it’s best to ask directly. If there’s something bothering them, they might hesitate to explain it. It’s important to speak clearly.
Maybe they experienced something in an open area or noticed a triggering thing in that environment, it could be a situation you don’t know about. You can ask directly, “Why did you choose that place?” to let them explain comfortably. Don’t push too hard, it might take time for them to open up.
Maybe the situation is not about the place but rather about the dynamics of your meeting with them. In other words, they might want to feel more “in control” while talking with you in a closed environment. Outdoors, distractions may occur, or they might feel more vulnerable. If they do the same thing on the next date, I think you can infer their attitude from that.
Maybe they are uncomfortable due to a physical condition but don’t want to say it. For example, they might be sensitive to light, cold, or noise outdoors. If you gently ask, “Where is more comfortable for you?” they might open up more easily.
Maybe it’s just a matter of habit, not a phobia. Everyone feels safer in different places, and it doesn’t have to be related to the past. If you ask, “Do you feel more comfortable outdoors or indoors?” you might get a clear hint; perhaps you are just blowing it out of proportion in your mind.
I thought choosing an enclosed space might be to avoid situations like panic attacks or dizziness. These kinds of things become more pronounced outdoors; it might make people uncomfortable because others notice. Do they prefer to monitor physically, meaning are they choosing indoors to have better control over the environment? You can ask these questions directly.
You can also look at the connection between selecting enclosed spaces and social anxiety. Feeling like there are fewer eyes on you there could indicate a situation where one feels uncomfortable around people. In such cases, instead of directly asking what the cause is, you could start with a question like, “Where do you think would feel more spacious?” which would come across more naturally.
Choosing enclosed spaces is sometimes completely related to the perception of safety. Perhaps there’s a feeling of a less controllable danger in open areas. Not driven by adrenaline or past experiences, but simply a mindset of “just in case.” Is there really someone like that? We need to figure that out.
Maybe it’s not a phobia or anything, it could just have a practical reason. For example, they might be bothered by the wind outside the table. Instead of overthinking it with “is it a phobia, is it past trauma,” I think you should just directly ask, “why do you prefer closed spaces?” There’s no need to complicate things.
Maybe the crowd and noise of the environment are affecting him. Enclosed spaces might feel more isolating. If you prefer the outdoors, clearly suggest that too, which one is easier to understand.
Sometimes the choice of an indoor space may not be entirely about anxiety; there can also be a practical aspect to it. For example, it could be a place where one feels more comfortable due to sunlight, weather, or physical comfort. You could learn this by asking a question like “Generally, where do you feel more comfortable?”—not a specific situation, but rather a general sense of comfort.
Maybe they are completely adapting to others’ preferences, but this stresses them out. Since no one directly asks, “Why did you choose this place?”, they might not feel the need to explain. I think you should ask clearly, “Where is the most comfortable place for you?” and put the ball in their court.