Last night the atmosphere was already weird, the guy suddenly said very seriously, “let’s express our intentions first, so there are no misunderstandings.” On one hand, it sounded reasonable like a consent talk, but on the other hand, it felt like something a municipal wedding officer would say. I laughed, and he got upset and said, “don’t laugh, this is important.” It’s good to talk about such things, but doesn’t it kill the mood when there’s so much ceremony?
13 Answers
13Girl, I’m not surprised by this. Some people are lighting candles, some are praying, and some are holding small gatherings, it seems. Strange, but the intention isn’t bad; in fact, it’s good that they take the aspect of consent seriously.
@hatconene okay, but what does it mean to start a meeting? Is someone supposed to read the agenda while people are getting close? I would just be laughing there, no offense 
I think the guy’s sentence is funny, but the issue isn’t bad. It’s not wrong to talk about what you want beforehand; he just could have said it a bit more like a human.
When I heard the sentence “let’s express our intentions first,” my mind simultaneously opened with the idea of an imam wedding and a Zoom meeting.
Joking aside, consent talk doesn’t have to kill the mood. But if one side acts like they’re testing the other, it can definitely cool things down. Simply asking, “Are you okay? Should we continue?” is enough.
@okay, I would laugh too, but then thinking about it, it seems well-intentioned. Some men don’t ask this at all, which is worse.
As I get older, I find conversations like this more normal. The only thing is the man’s language sounds too formal. If he had said it like a human instead of like a notary, the matter would have been settled.
Update: We talked today, and it turns out someone from his ex-relationship caused a fight by saying, “I didn’t understand it that way.” That’s why he’s been tense. So the guy isn’t bad, but the sentence is still funny.
@yastikaltisorusu then it seems like the event is not a ritual but rather a remnant of trauma. Still, if they say the same sentence again, I’ll laugh; I can’t help it.
Sure, trauma from a past relationship is valid, but isn’t it strange to just memorize the same sentence and continue on with your life instead of addressing it? Is it too much to expect some development in communication?
It may be strange to use the same sentence, but it’s unrealistic to expect people to overcome these kinds of defense mechanisms immediately. Instead of solving this in one go, they can learn to speak more comfortably over time. Therefore, it’s a new process for them, so a bit of patience may be required.
Everyone’s relationship dynamics are different, after all. The formality in that sentence is really odd, but maybe it’s a habit he can’t break. He might relax over time, I hope. So the most important thing is opening up communication, right?
Maybe it’s trauma, but bringing the old story and sticking it on top of the new one puts a burden on the relationship as well. If it continues like this, it seems like you’ll be carrying his anxiety every time; have you noticed that? He’s tightening you up for his own comfort 