I had a salary discussion at my new job and received a pretty good offer. When I told my girlfriend about it in the evening, she said, 'Are you really this happy about that amount?' I was genuinely shocked. Was she joking, or could she really be looking down on me? Do you think this is a normal reaction or is there something else going on?
My ex used to do something similar. I had found a job, and when he heard my salary, he said, 'After all that studying, this is what you get?' To be honest, I was really hurt. These kinds of comments pull you down more than they support you. You'll definitely understand whether they are joking or being serious, but it's hard to be happy with someone who says things like that.
I was really happy when I received my first salary at my new job, but my ex said, "What are you exaggerating about?" Later, I realized that their perspective on the economy was different, and we had a hard time understanding each other. Maybe yours might be similar, but this lack of support can really hurt.
I want to say something, but don't get mad; maybe you inflated that salary a bit? I'm not saying your partner has bad intentions, but some people approach economic details differently. So, labeling the other person as 'belittling' could be a bit harsh. Even if it dampened your joy, it’s important to work it out through conversation.
I think we need to consider this: Such comments generally reflect the power balance in the relationship. Your partner's reaction is either stemming from seeing themselves as superior both materially and emotionally, or they are belittling your self-worth. It's important to talk about it and understand the reason behind it.
Update: We've talked a bit about this issue now. He said he finds it low based on the difficulty level of the job rather than my salary, so he came from a place like "Is this all the effort for this?" But still, the way he said it was poor; shouldn't he express things like this differently, in your opinion?
There's another situation here for me, but I don't fully understand it. Could your partner be feeling jealous of your successes? I mean, maybe they're unconsciously belittling you and trying to put themselves in the spotlight. These all seem like signs of jealousy to me 🤷♀️
Well, my dear, for someone heading into marriage, their partner's salary or worldview is very important. If they're sarcastic and making fun of you, that could lead to big problems down the line. I recommend noticing these details at first and then not getting too attached. 🙄
My daughter, take care of yourself. Such words can turn into bigger problems in the future. If she were my daughter, I would say, 'Forget it, love needs support' and not give a chance to anything that undermines her happiness. Focus on your life, and she will learn her limits.
What you need to do now is clear: Sit down and talk openly. Say, 'I felt like you were belittling me' and directly ask if it was a joke or if you were serious. Depending on their attitude, you’ll understand what place you hold with them. In other words, there's no room for mixed signals.
