My partner has been making subtle comments about my recent weight gain. Things like, ‘I wish you would pay a little more attention,’ and ‘those pants used to look better on you’… It really hurts. I acknowledge that I’ve gained a lot of weight, but I didn’t expect it to be so prominent. Is it right to tell him ‘you should accept me as I am,’ or do I really need to put in the effort? Do you think this could be a breaking point in the relationship?
7 Answers
7My close friend had experienced this, just like you mentioned, her boyfriend was saying vague things. In the end, they had talked openly and the guy said: ‘How you look outside is important to me, I want people to be impressed when they see you.’ Does your boyfriend think something like this? Have you asked him directly?
There might be something else here for me. I mean, if they keep emphasizing it, they might be comparing you to their own circle, or this situation could be bigger than just a weight issue. For example, are they chatting with someone else or something? Of course, it doesn’t have to be like that, but it feels like there’s a strange signal.
I swear, such conversations are a sensitive topic in relationships. In psychology, there’s a concept called ‘body satisfaction,’ and when this is not aligned between couples, it can lead to conflicts in relationships. But the issue of weight is often an excuse; there may be deeper emotional struggles behind it. I think if you consulted a couple’s therapist, you would find benefits in terms of communication.
I forgot to add this: I can say these conversations have been going on for over a month. I have never seen them express themselves this much before. In fact, once they said, ‘Let’s find a good gym together,’ but at that time, I also thought that it felt like I was being pushed to change. So, I can’t understand their intentions—are they concerned for my well-being or is it something else?
My ex used to say exactly the same thing: ‘Those pants suited you better.’ In that moment, I felt like I could barely breathe and wanted to collapse to the ground because I could already see myself in the mirror. It’s as if they think correcting it is easier when they say it, right? However, when I calmly but firmly set my boundaries, it got a bit better, but it’s still tough.
To be honest, I think the part about ‘You should accept me this way’ is a bit too romantic. Your partner loves you, but your appearance is also a part of that interest, so it’s normal to compare how you are now with how you were at the beginning. Creating a proper dietician or exercise plan and taking it seriously would be better for you even.
I think first you should sit down and talk to him calmly. Understand clearly what point he felt uncomfortable about regarding his weight. If what he said affects you, you can get support from a dietitian. Alternatively, start a simple exercise plan with a personal trainer. After all, it’s more correct to do this for yourself first.