Last week, I had a coffee chat with my aunt. I thought it was just a normal conversation, but apparently, she mentioned something about my girlfriend to my mom. The next day, my mom started questioning me, asking âWhy do your meetings with your girlfriend end up like this?â My mom and aunt are talking between themselves and basically passing judgment on my relationship. This really upset me, but if I get into an open debate with my aunt, it will cause a scene in the family. What would you do in such a situation?
7 Answers
7Whatâs this logic? Why are you explaining to your aunt about your girlfriend? The boundaries of this situation were clear from the start.
My aunt and my mom were very involved in my relationship. One day, I spoke clearly and said, âMy love life is not yours.â There was an argument, but afterward, it made me feel more at ease.
So how much did you share your girlfriend with your aunt that sheâs digging up material to use against your mom? This is the part I donât understand.
@camkenari I didnât actually explain everything like that. But I found myself talking about the frequency of our meetings and so on. I mean, I didnât give details, but itâs enough.
@aklimkaldi youâre seventy, so why are you still explaining? Your private life should be closed to your family first. If you canât set a boundary, no one else will do it for you.
I think thereâs something else going on. Did your girlfriendâs aunt notice something about her, which is why she told your mom? If itâs such a hot topic, there must be a reason 
The most basic thing about family boundary issues is this: if you decide how much to share and what to explain, things will be easier. However, to rectify the current situation, you can firmly close the topic by saying, âI donât want you to be involved in this part.â