I have a female manager who has been making slightly mocking comments towards me in meetings lately, and I've even witnessed her saying things about my personal life a couple of times. Would it seem exaggerated if I went to HR? Or should I just stay silent? What approach should I take in such situations, do you have any experience?
I think you shouldn't stay silent. If they are saying things about your private life, that's already crossing the line. I had a teacher like that, who would twist words at the slightest opportunity. One day I asked, 'Is there a personal issue with you, sir?' Since that day, he hasn't said a word.
Something else might be going on here. If they're only throwing comments your way, they might be jealous of you or intimidated by you. Is it like that outside of meetings too? I suggest you think about that.
Honestly, it doesn't seem like the problem is with the manager to me. Whenever I experience things like this, I look back at myself. Maybe it coincides with something you've done, and that's its reflex. Such things happen in a work environment; it's better to resolve them without blowing them out of proportion.
In such situations, it is more effective to go to HR with documents. If they mention it in meetings, keep any meeting notes or recordings they have. Instead of directly saying they 'made a jab', you can provide examples to help them understand the situation. I know that HR pays attention to such things.
Let me give you an update: For example, he does it outside of meetings too. The other day while submitting a document, he said, 'You've found time for this in your busy life, well done.' I mean, it's definitely like he's implying something about my personal life 😅
I think in meetings, you should calmly but clearly ask, 'What exactly does what you're saying mean?' Usually, when they see our reaction, they either clarify or avoid extending the conversation. Don't let them defend themselves as if it's a joke; be clear.
It's a complete violation of boundaries. Especially if they're making comments about your private life, you definitely need to address it. The power balance might be in their favor, but that doesn't mean they have to intimidate you. Everyone should know their own position.
If I were you, I wouldn't stay silent at all. Especially regarding personal matters in this work environment. If she were my daughter, I'd tell her to sit down and talk it out first; if it doesn't get resolved, then go to management. If someone turns a blind eye to something, it won’t stop there, don’t forget that.
Such things always happen in office environments. After all, managers are human too; sometimes they can unconsciously push others away. Maybe if you open up about your personal life less and withdraw a bit, you won't become such a target.
