My cousin has recently become like a detective. She’s questioning everyone I talk to on social media, where I go, everything! My mom is normalizing it, saying it’s “family matters.” But I’m really feeling overwhelmed and want a little personal space. How do you think I can politely stop both her and my mom? Or should I just react?
I think you should talk to your cousin directly first. Politely say, ‘These are not matters that concern you,’ but be clear. Then tell your mom, ‘This is my private life, and I’m uncomfortable.’ If that doesn’t work, consider restricting her on social media, like making sure she doesn’t see your stories.
Honey, if you let them do things like this at first, they will take advantage of you. You need to tell your cousin sweetly but firmly, ‘This is none of your business.’ You should also explain that you expect respect for your personal space without upsetting your mom. Otherwise, you won’t be able to handle the situation.
I experienced the same thing, my cousin was always asking who I was talking to, where I was going, and so on. In the end, I kept everything private on social media. I sat down and told him openly, and then I had to explain my troubles to my mom as well. Both of them eventually quieted down, but it was necessary to solve it directly.
I think your cousin is just being curious; I don’t believe they’re trying to harm you by following you. The saying from mothers about ‘family matters’ is classic, too. Without making it a big deal, set your boundaries little by little by saying, ‘Okay, but this is something special,’ and they will understand over time.
So, when did your cousin start interfering this much? Was there something special that happened between you, or did it change when you started talking to someone new? Is she trying to win you over to convince you? Once the details are clear, we can say something more definite.
This situation is quite a common issue in terms of psychological boundaries. You should use ‘I language’ when talking to your cousin, meaning something like ‘I feel uncomfortable.’ Before having a serious discussion with your mother, you can explain the importance of your personal space to her with examples. If that doesn’t work, you might consider seeking support from a family counselor.
Friends, your comments have been very helpful, thank you. Let me add this as well, I hesitate to talk face to face with my cousin because he has a fragile nature. My mom keeps intervening by saying, ‘He’s like your brother, see it that way.’ Honestly, I’m struggling a lot.
A family should be one, everyone should support each other. It’s not a bad thing for your cousin to be worried about you; maybe they’re just trying to protect you. Your mother is right too; if you keep saying it’s special or individual, there won’t be any connections between people.