My fiancé has only three weeks left until the wedding, but he’s secretly messaging his ex. When I asked him about it, he said, ‘We’re just old friends.’ Clearly, something is going on, but I’m trying to rebuild my trust. What should I do?
I had the same thing happen to me when I caught them chatting with their ex. I noticed they kept insisting ‘we’re just friends’ but their behavior didn’t match. Then I figured out their phone password, and they were cheating. So I’d suggest checking, but also try to keep your distance from the start.
Let’s be straightforward here; it’s not cool to still be chatting with an ex three weeks before the wedding. Such things are unforgivable in marriage; it’s better not to cause issues from the start. It would be good if you mentioned this situation to your family.
@kahvebitmeden you always get the family involved in this stuff. The fiancé has to handle the situation from the start; if he needs to take a step back, he should do it himself. When you explain it to the family, things get out of hand.
First, keep the messages stored somewhere as evidence. Then talk directly; if they are not convincing you or trying to dominate, withdraw from the discussion and consider postponing the wedding. It’s not advisable to marry with doubts; you need to obtain clear information.
Where did you learn that? If you didn’t misunderstand or hear it from someone else… also, did he text the ex or did the other person start it? Those details are important.
I accidentally saw @pazardandondum’s messages; he hadn’t deleted them. His ex-girlfriend messaged him, and he replied too. There was an unpleasant tone in the conversation.
@hatconene I think family might get involved, there could be a cultural difference. Not everyone is as laid back as you are after all. Family can sometimes be a source of pressure, they can take the issue seriously.
Marriage and trust, if shaken, are hard to recover.
Did you see the exact conversation between him and his ex? “An unpleasant tone” is quite open to interpretation, is there anything clear about it? Some things may seem serious, but they can also be baseless; we need definite information first.
"You say it was a mistake, but your fiancé’s phone is not usually somewhere to be mixed up. Is it fair to put this trust issue all on him? It seems like there’s a two-sided situation here.
We can’t just brush off such a big matter by saying “I saw it by mistake.” How did you notice, what did you see, is there a clear meaning to be taken from this? Did you ask your fiancé about it, what did they say? If they’re dodging the subject, it’s serious.
Why is she responding in such an unpleasant tone to a message from her ex? Sure, one can politely brush things aside, but as someone who is engaged, she shouldn’t be entering into such a dialogue. Did she share these messages with you or would she have continued if not noticed? It won’t sit right until this is clarified.