My cousin asked me to gather information about my fiancé, saying things like, ‘Don’t trust him, he might be with someone else.’ Being under family pressure really tires me out. My cousin’s attitude bothers me a lot, but I don’t want to discuss this situation with my boyfriend either.
I had a relative like that too; when I first brought my girlfriend over, they were constantly asking, ‘Do you know her family? What does she do?’ and so on. But it seems like you’ve really dug into the past, which is a hassle.
Why are you so close with your cousin? Have you thought about putting some distance if they keep getting involved?
@kahvebitmeden I actually can’t distance myself from him because we live in the same neighborhood, and it seems like he really envies my fiancé.
@biseydiycem it’s wrong to normalize this job too much just because it’s a relative. There is a clear intervention in private life here, and if we remain unresponsive, they will go further.
Trust between spouses must be free from the influences of third parties. Clear boundaries should be discussed openly with cousins without disrupting the balances within the family. Ensuring that there is no secrecy in the relationship can also be comforting.
@yazipsildim you are right, but not everyone goes for such direct solutions. Cousin pressure is tough, especially if there are neighborhood dynamics at play.
Talk to your fiancé, and wrap up this cousin issue quickly.
Your cousin talks so freely because you don’t do anything. Why haven’t you confronted him even once? Just because he lives in the neighborhood doesn’t mean you have to let him stick his nose into everything.
Your cousin is digging into your fiancé’s past, but the real issue is his ability to control you. It’s not about living in the neighborhood, it’s about your inability to say “enough already.” If this boundary crossing happens in other matters as well, then this situation is related to your attitude, independent of the fiancé.
You say your cousin is jealous of your fiancé, but maybe they are jealous of you? Constantly digging into your past could also be to make you uneasy. First, understand what their issue with you is.
I wonder if there’s something from your fiancée’s past that your cousin is struggling with so much? Otherwise, why would they be so curious out of nowhere? It’s a bit strange. It seems like quite an interference in other people’s business, but there might be something else going on; I think it’s worth probing a little.
Is your cousin sharing the things they are researching with you, or are they spreading gossip to others? If it’s the latter, then it’s not just curiosity; it means they are pulling you into their own game. You need to trust not them, but your fiancé and cut this cycle directly.
Well, cousin, how much effort is she putting in? What does she hope to find from your fiancé’s past? Even if she finds something, what will happen? This kind of prying usually comes either from an unresolved sensitivity or an attempt to confuse things. We should also consider if there might be some old issues at play.
But what if something really comes up about your fiancé’s past? Would it bother you if someone other than your cousin were to investigate this? I think it’s important for everyone to clarify what they are hiding and why.