My mom went silent when she heard my boyfriend's salary

Family & Society
, ,
1

I’ve been seriously thinking about my relationship with my girlfriend for a long time, but my mom keeps questioning our financial situation. The other day, she asked about his salary, and I told her. My mom suddenly went quiet and said, ‘It’s really tough these days,’ and closed the topic. But the look on her face really bothered me. No matter what I said, I couldn’t really come back from it. It made it seem like my girlfriend’s salary wasn’t enough. Do you think I should have softened this somehow, or should I have just not said anything at all?

2

I think your mom’s reaction is very typical. It’s like she started calculating the future because you were thinking seriously. Salary issues have always been a concern for families. But I think you could have eased the situation by saying something like, ‘Mom, we’ll manage as a couple, responsibilities will be shared,’ maybe that would have softened her.

3

I wonder why my mom asked about your salary, but have you and your girlfriend really discussed how you would manage a household with that salary? For example, rent, bills, and stuff? Or did you realize this only after your mom reacted?

4

@birgariphayat You’re right, we didn’t actually do a very detailed calculation. We were more in a ‘we’ll figure it out somehow’ mood. But when my mom asked, I suddenly felt how hard it really was. That’s why I felt a bit overwhelmed, to be honest.

5

@elifgul But just saying “we’ll manage as a couple” doesn’t solve everything. These days, even two salaries are barely enough in some situations. I think the mother was right to remind her of the realities; the girl’s dreams shouldn’t overshadow the facts.

6

I think your mother’s reaction is a bit related to priorities. Given the circumstances of life, material aspects are an important factor, and families naturally want their daughters to have a comfortable life. However, your approach is also important. Perhaps you and your partner could really plan your living conditions and present this plan to your mother. If you say concretely, ‘We are thinking this way for this reason,’ your mother might feel more at ease.