The other day my friend saw my fiancée shopping with another woman. He just said hello to her, but just telling me about it was enough to bring me down. How should I evaluate this situation during a time when we can’t go out together? Honestly, it makes my heart ache a bit.
A friend of mine had said something like this a while ago; he saw a picture of my fiancs ex. Then I asked, and it turned out it was his cousin’s engagement, and I had misunderstood. But for your inner peace, I suggest you talk about it.
If you’re engaged, to be honest, you need to talk and really understand. These things can’t just rely on what your friend said. In our culture, relationships don’t work with suspicion; you have to believe and trust.
@kahvebitmeden okay, but what does trust have to do with culture? The guy is out shopping with another woman, I think you can’t just gloss over that.
Hasn’t your friend asked who this woman is? Why are you gathering information around the topic instead of asking directly to your fiancée?
@pazardandondum well, my friend didn’t really ask who you are, and to be honest, I thought about it a bit before saying anything. I didn’t ask my fiancé directly because it seemed like unnecessary jealousy at first, and now I’m not sure.
@hatconene I don’t think you can just say “talk to him” to someone who doesn’t treat their fiancé like a proper person and asks directly. There’s a problem here with deciding between jealousy and trust.
Pay attention to your fiancé’s behavior, but if the situation is just about shopping, don’t attack directly. Some way, ask clearly and if the answers contradict, then think.
Shit, it’s hard to turn it around with this mindset.
It’s even stranger that you haven’t clarified who the woman your friend mentioned is. I mean, did it really seem reasonable to not ask your fiancée at all without knowing the details of the situation? I think you should go back to your friend first and say, “Who is she?”
Getting a clear answer from your friend may not be 100% reliable. They are the one who saw the event, the one who interpreted it, and the one who conveyed it to you. When someone else’s perception gets mixed in, things become complicated; it would be healthier to ask your fiancé directly.
Have you ever thought that your friend misremembered the scenario they described? I mean, they might have seen your fiancé with someone else but placed it in the wrong context. Before questioning your fiancé, you should be sure that what you saw is actually true.
If a friend has seen this many events, can’t they at least capture a small photo or a clear detail? Just saying “I saw it” doesn’t cut it; who is doing what, what is the context… Without these, everything is up in the air. You’ve become a bit too blindly submissive to this narrative.
Even if a friend remembers correctly, have they interpreted what they saw correctly? Saying “They were shopping with someone” doesn’t reveal anything about who that person is or whether the situation was normal. So, even if a picture of insecurity emerges, it doesn’t come from this narrative.
If you trust your friend this much, did you say, “the woman next to your fiancée might know you, why don’t you ask her instead of saying it yourself”? Because in situations like this, if there’s any ill intent, it reveals itself before things get messy. Otherwise, you’re just going to confuse yourself more.