We’ve been together since university, and our plan was to get married in the future. But my family always acts cold when talking about her. The other day at dinner, my mom openly said, ‘Someone like you could find someone better.’ Her salary seems to be a big issue in their eyes. Do you think this is just about money, or is there something else going on? How can I talk openly with my family about this?
This feels so familiar… My mom also said about my ex, ‘You won’t be able to keep up with his pace, you’ll have a hard time getting along with this guy.’ I didn’t understand it back then, but she meant that it wasn’t so much about our salary as it was about our lifestyles not matching. Maybe you have something similar going on here, it would be good to talk about it.
My family also questioned my spouse’s salary at first, saying openly that “he can’t support a household.” But it wasn’t really about the salary; it was his way of taking responsibility that bothered them. Maybe there’s another behavior your family finds unsettling, but they’re using the salary as an excuse. Ask them directly: “What exactly are you concerned about?”
What kind of logic is this? Are you going to give up on your girlfriend just because your family doesn’t like her? In the end, you’re not marrying your mother. If possible, get a grip; this life is yours!
Here’s something that could be happening: Your family might be trying to evaluate the harmony between you and your partner but may not know how to express it. For instance, salary can be a symbol; underlying it are larger concerns like long-term responsibility and career plans. Instead of discussing salary, ask them why they feel so tense. You’ll get clearer answers.
Let me update you: I just tried to talk to my mom, and she said, ‘With that kid, it’s unclear what you eat or drink, my daughter.’ So they’re completely focused on material issues, but they’re not saying anything bad about his character. I said, ‘His salary will increase; why are you making such a big deal out of this?’ She couldn’t say anything clear in response. She was more like, giving answers along the lines of ‘we saw it, we experienced it’ and so on.
I swear, buddy, it’s hard to understand your family. They sit around saying, ‘We’ve seen it, we’ve experienced it,’ but they don’t say anything logical. Who is the girl marrying, what will the salary be, how will you make ends meet; you’ll have to figure these out. If you’re standing on your own two feet, I don’t care what anyone says!