Our wedding date is approaching, but I saw that my spouse has been texting their ex. Honestly, should I read into this, or is it just a friendship? It’s a concerning situation for me, and I don’t know how to resolve it. I’m also terrified that my family will find out.
something similar happened to me. I caught him chatting with his ex several times. at first, he said ‘we’re just talking’, but then they got into some pretty deep topics. once trust is lost, I don’t think it comes back.
Where did you see this? Did you come across it, or are they discussing it openly? Also, is this the first time this conversation is happening, or has something like this happened before?
@yokartik I already suspected it, one day he left his phone on the table, a notification came in. There were old conversations too. I guess this isn’t the first time…
Yeah, isn’t it a hassle to check someone’s phone? No one should invade another’s privacy; trust issues are mutual like this.
Something is obviously going on here. If it even stops past conversations, I won’t believe it’s just for my friend’s sake. I think it’s moving forward even knowing its mistakes; you should be clear with yourself first.
but this is actually a serious trust issue. You might consider getting relationship counseling. Or you could choose to talk directly to understand their intentions honestly. Things like this don’t get resolved in an instant.
such an engagement cannot be.
it’s just friendship. but why does friendship start in messaging with an ex while being engaged? it’s an unreasonable explanation.
You said you saw it during the notification, and I can imagine the shock at that moment. People don’t even know what to believe anymore. I think you should fully focus on what you’re going to say before making a definite decision 
I used to get hung up on the fact that your old messages are still on your phone. If you haven’t even bothered to hide them, I either question your seriousness or see it as a sort of nonchalance that normalizes the situation. I’m not sure which is worse.
If old messages are still there, either they never really ended the relationship in their mind, or they simply don’t care and haven’t even realized they need to cut ties with the past. If they call it “friendship,” it’s worth asking how they define the connection they have with you. The answer is likely to be problematic in every way.
Talking about “friendship” with an ex is already peculiar in itself, but what’s really strange is that it doesn’t stop even in a serious situation like engagement. The willingness to risk being caught in these conversations raises questions about the respect for the current relationship. I think it’s a much bigger problem that you’re quietly accepting this instead of directly asking. How long will you ignore it?