When things are good between my partner and me, my mother-in-law constantly messages to get updates about her. One day, when I confronted her about it, I asked why she was so concerned, but she said, “I was just curious.” However, I can’t really wrap my head around this situation. She becomes strange the moment she steps into the house. How can I resolve this situation with family intervention?
a similar situation had happened in our house. my mother-in-law constantly pried into my wife’s private matters, not like a mother but more like an inspector. then we talked openly, and once we were clear, she stopped. but it was a difficult process.
The mother-in-law always gets involved. My mom sometimes really intervenes between my brother and sister-in-law. That’s just how these things are. You can occasionally interrupt, but of course, you can’t completely exclude them.
@kahvebitmeden I think this normalization is wrong. Families that pressure partners like this are breaking homes. Everyone should know their place, after all, when you get married, you’re starting a life with someone else.
I think the most logical thing is to speak clearly. Agree with your partner and set a common framework. You have to put a stop to what your mother says. Otherwise, it will keep going like this.
So, what does your girlfriend say about this? She seems not to be bothered, or maybe she’s not even aware of the situation.
@pazardandondum actually, my girlfriend is also a bit uncomfortable, but she doesn’t want to say anything to her mother. She’s trying to manage things so that we don’t get into a fight. But we talked about it openly, and I’m starting to get angry.
@aklimkaldi then sit down and talk to your mom with your girlfriend. If you take it all on yourself, you’ll end up in a bad situation, especially when you’re still in the girlfriend phase.
I can’t accept such a situation; I advise you to be clear from the start.
If your partner doesn’t want it themselves, whatever you say won’t change anything; the real issue here is that they are disturbed by your mother’s attitude yet aren’t taking any steps. The idea of talking together sounds nice, but if your partner remains silent, you’ll still end up looking bad. From the start, the power balance has been problematic.
You say she doesn’t want to talk back to her mother, but that’s the problem here. If she doesn’t, people will overstep their boundaries and get used to it. She’s just hiding her discomfort from you; she doesn’t set boundaries with her mother. Has she even thought about where this is all going to lead?
So how are your mom’s messages? Are they just casual chats, or is she trying to steer your relationship? Maybe the discomfort lies exactly here.
She doesn’t want to say anything bad about her mother but you say she clearly expresses her discomfort to you. So, could she be trying to use you as a buffer in between? Like, is there an attitude of “you solve this situation, so I won’t be caught in between”?
What’s the big deal about texting your mother-in-law on WhatsApp? I mean if it’s more than just simple daily messages, then whatever the intention, it smells of control freak behavior. If your partner turns a blind eye to this, his mother will meddle in other things about you in the future; this is the first step.
How often and at what times does her mother write to her boyfriend? Is it a spontaneous correspondence during the day, or is there continuous contact without regard for day or night? It’s important to see if this could turn into a habit that might tire you out in the future.
As much as the content of the messages, the reaction of your partner when this topic comes up is important. If they brush it off with something like “oh that’s just my mom, it’s not a big deal,” that’s concerning. Pay attention not only to the intensity of the mother’s interest but also to whether your partner is ready to set boundaries regarding that interest. Because for now it’s WhatsApp, but next it could be something else.
How will you notice if your mother’s messages start to take a manipulative turn regarding you after a while? Right now, it seems like “maybe my mom is writing a bit too much,” but later it could turn into “I said this, she was aware of it.” Your partner’s tolerance not only affects you but also undermines their own decision-making process.
Think about this: How transparent is your partner when communicating with their mother like this? Are you the one asking about the content of the messages, or are they the one sharing? If there’s no transparency, then closeness becomes an excuse, and this turns into a matter of creating a “private space.”
I think the real question is this: Are these communications a habit or are they being presented to you as a “one-time thing” or “nothing to exaggerate”? Because if there’s continuity, this is no longer WhatsApp; it’s a sign of addiction. They need to know where to draw the line.
Have you ever been shown the content of these messages directly? Because they are referred to as “simple messages,” but sometimes hidden indirect interventions lie within seemingly simple details. If your partner isn’t sharing this content, it means there is either privacy or a defense effort at play.