Iâve been very disturbed by my spouseâs behavior lately. They used to do little surprises for me and at least ask how I was doing, but now it feels like we are two strangers at home. They donât share anything, are indifferent, and careless. Is there someone else, or is this just the routine that comes with marriage? I donât understand when this numbness started; what do you think I should do, or has anyone else overcome these issues?
10 Answers
10Something similar happened to us too; my spouse was very withdrawn for a while. It turned out that problems at work were affecting their mood. They never told me. Try talking to them; maybe they have something to share.
I think you should seriously sit down and talk. I didnât do this for years, and it just got worse. One day, silently sit next to him and say, âWhatâs going on? Can you tell me?â Usually, guys donât just explain directly, but it starts somewhere 
If itâs changing this much, it feels like it could be someone else. Iâm not saying for sure, but that feeling of distance, coldness⊠This is usually how it goes when a relationship is starting to fizzle. I think you should pay closer attention to their behavior.
I think you have a bit too many expectations too. Everything is a surprise; it doesnât always get attention. Maybe the guy just canât get his head straight, but youâre already nagging because you put him in a routine.
Itâs normal to have these kinds of pauses in a marriage, but the real issue is the communication between partners. If this indifference has become constant, then either some things havenât been discussed or they havenât been resolved. Consider couples therapy or seeking individual support; sometimes a third party can provide an objective perspective.
Let me add this as well, I think there is something bothering him at work, but he never talks about it. Even if I ask, he just says âEverything is fineâ and moves on. When itâs this disconnected, I donât know what to do either.
We went through the same things; we were officially roommates for 2 years. In the end, he suggested going to therapy because we realized it couldnât go on like this. I felt relieved when I learned that the problem wasnât with me, but itâs hard if no one suggests therapy.
This continues with the woman always thinking, âWhat should I do, how can we fix this?â If marriage requires effort, why is it always your effort? This power imbalance in the relationship creates distance; he also needs to make an effort. A relationship is a two-person job.
It has been said that there is someone else in Adam, and someone has responded with âyouâre expecting too much.â So is it really an all-or-nothing situation? I think there should be neither blaming nor self-blaming. Both sides need to pause and reflect.
If I were in that position, I would ask it clearly instead of letting it grow inside me. But I think the key point is when they either become defensive while answering or turn the topic back to you.