Recently, my spouse and I have a serious communication problem. Even while having dinner or watching a series, they are constantly focused on their phone. I’ve talked about it, and they say, ‘I’m just messaging about work,’ but I can’t bring myself to believe it. I don’t want to snoop on their phone, but it’s eating me up inside. Do you think this is normal, or have I completely fallen into a bubble of suspicion?
‘I’m dealing with the matter’ sounds familiar to me. My ex-boyfriend used to say the same thing. One morning, when a notification accidentally popped up, instead of seeing ‘the matter’, I saw a woman’s name. I felt relieved that it wasn’t about work. But yours might be different; I think you should look into it.
So how much do you pay attention to him while you’re eating or watching a show? Maybe he feels neglected and is spending time on his phone. Have you ever doubted yourself?
If the situation is turning into obsessive thinking and you feel you can’t talk comfortably, a family therapist would be healthier. Because, for example, you said “I don’t want to mess with the phone” but you’re overly fixating on it in your mind. This turns into a vicious cycle.
Let me add that it’s been like this for the past month. Previously, they used to spend a lot of time on the phone, but it didn’t seem as disconnected. I asked them to talk about their coworkers, but they brushed it off. Honestly, I don’t even know what to think; I’m really confused.
I think there’s something else going on here. It’s strange that he doesn’t mention his colleagues, for example. I’m not saying a woman’s name should be mentioned directly, but even if it’s work-related, he might be communicating with someone because he likes them. If it were entirely about work, he wouldn’t seem to be this defensive.