Recently, my spouse and I have been having minor arguments. They weren’t really big issues, but somehow they are getting to our relatives. They’ve started asking, ‘Is everything okay?’ There is definitely someone sticking their nose into our private life, but we can’t figure out who it is. What should we do, how can I set boundaries?
This whole “is everything okay?” issue was driving me crazy at one point. My wife and I had arguments about it, and it turned out my mom had been implying things during phone conversations. I asked her directly, and she said that while talking to her friend, the word got around. Someone close to you might have spread it unknowingly.
Is someone familiar coming? I’ve experienced a similar situation; my mother’s aunt caught us off guard. It turns out she said at the table, ‘I see you two are acting a bit cold towards each other?’ They might pick up on certain behaviors.
Honestly, I felt like you were being quite secretive. Some people might be discussing your arguments in good faith with friends or family. Maybe a relative or a friend is trying to find a solution. Before making any direct accusations, think about this as well.
In some cases, not setting boundaries encourages others. When questions arise about your personal matters, draw that line by directly and politely saying, “This is something personal for me, I prefer not to share details.” People typically act according to their intentions.
I noticed that my wife’s mother recently suggested, ‘Wouldn’t it be better if you argued more calmly?’ I guess it somehow gets back to her. But my wife insists she hasn’t said anything. I don’t know how to resolve this.
Isn’t your spouse saying something about it there? Because sometimes, unknowingly or with the intention of confiding, hints can be dropped to a family. They tend to blow it out of proportion and try to solve it in their own way. Is it as certain as they say to you? 
Whoever it is, it is unacceptable for them to meddle in your private life. Especially when it comes to something that comes from your spouse’s family, you must clarify and put a stop to it. If you remain silent, this interference becomes a habit. The issue here is the behavior itself.
My daughter, you’ll need to be clear with your spouse too. She doesn’t say anything to her parents, but maybe she implies things from time to time. It’s normal; people tend to share things about their closest relationships with their mothers. But be careful, is what she tells you the exact same as what’s happening at home?
A friend of mine had something similar happen in their relationship. The interesting thing is that we later learned everything from a cousin’s WhatsApp group. So, I suggest you check the groups and such; someone might have leaked too many details.